I have always been good at lying. It’s skill I don’t know to be proud of or try to get rid off. I know how to make anyone believe anything. It has always been like that. I remember as child making something my sisters fault and never even getting caught. (I’m sorry if you read this someday!)
So why am I talking about this today? Because no one knows what I am planning. Like I have told my university results came out and I didn’t get in. The truth is I never ever wanted to go there. It’s crazy but I want to travel, live and not be the normal person. I feel like I can’t get trough another year here living this life.
So I lie.
Yes mom, I will apply to the job. Yes dad, I’m going to the open university. I’m smiling like it is true, like there is hope for me. It’s easy because there is other reasons for me to smile. I’m going to go. Not to job or to study. I’m going to go and disappear to the world.
I may take the place to study if I still get in but travel is currently my priority. It’s stupid and I know it. 21 years olds shouldn’t have impossible dreams and hopes for their life. I want to keep writing and traveling and make those my job. That is as impossible as it can get…
So I keep lying because I know what everyone would say. Silly girl you can’t do that. Go to school, get a job and live like everyone else. It’s not just my family who would keep me here if they know. My friends, almost random people in Facebook, the unknown neighbours, everyone. No one would believe it is possible to live that way. Probably many reading this won’t believe in me.
Lying is my self defense. It gives me cover when I am trying to run from my life. I have escaped once but ended up coming back. Now I am trying to go again and when you don’t see it coming I have already dissapeared.
Yes, lying is bad but for me it can safe a life. My life.
With love and lies,