And she was lost…

I don’t know who I’m. I don’t know where I’m going. Lost. So lost in my own body, between being happy and not having the right road to walk.

People keep giving me advice but never anything concrete.
Find your passion.
Do what you love.
Get a proper job.
Remember to study.
Don’t give up.
Just keep going.
Find yourself.

How can one find herself? How can you keep going when you know what you want and still you feel stuck? The things I want and need keep changing every second of the day. Right now, writing is my passion. Tomorrow I would love to play games all day long just to want to study psychology the day after that. How can you decide? There’s no way one thing can satisfy me.

I’m writing hundred and one blogs even if it’s too much for me. My drawer is full of half-finished stories waiting for the writer. In my mind everything is good but small things like brushing my teeth can turn my way in the opposite direction. Standing 2 minutes in my dark bathroom only my thoughts keeping me company feels like a death sentence.

What if I’m going towards a wrong lifestyle for me?
What if I end up hating writing after doing it as my job?
Wouldn’t it just be easier to give up?
Why? Why I have to be like this? Why can’t I shut down my brain?

And then everything changes. I never get anywhere because I never give my all to one thing. It’s not because I don’t want, it’s because I don’t know how.

With love,
Lost Viivi

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