Mission Impossible: Daily Blogging

The year 2018 has started and I’m ready to fail in my impossible mission for a lazy person like me. Yesterday was the first day of my daily blogging for one year challenge. I have shared this with a few friends and Twitter. Most people have wished me good luck, others called me crazy. My own mind is mostly just screaming out of fear, stress, and excitement. I love blogging so why shouldn’t I do it a daily thing?

This is probably a stupid idea and my history as a blogger has more than enough proof. I have had several blogs but all of them have died after the first year. Last year I promised to write twice a week and then after failing that once a week. Do I even need to admit that I failed in that too? Now my mind just decides that writing once a day is a perfect plan. Crazy, huh?

Yesterday I wrote the first post on my brand new review blog. It’s one of the things I am most amazed about. So easy to just write when you have no one who wants to read. No matter what you say or if the language sucks. There will be only a few people reading and if they don’t like it, they will just skip your blog. I haven’t felt like that for a long time. Not after I told my family about my travel blog and realized that it has over a thousand readers. Now I have close to three thousand people following my blog and writing anything feels impossible.

I am scared of failing.

Does anyone know how to get over these fears? Maybe the only way is to just keep writing. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. (I may have watched Finding Dory a few days ago…) Last autumn my university creative writing teacher got me hooked on reading writing guidebooks. That’s probably the biggest reason why this crazy idea of daily blogging came into my mind. There is one theme that keeps repeating itself in these books: Just write every day without caring for your inner voice telling that it’s a bad idea. 

Okay, no book says it like that. It’s always told more poetically and with fewer awkward words between. But the idea is same. If you keep writing consistently, it gets easier. Or well not easier but doing it everyday changes to routine and routine is often easy despite the task being hard.

I’m rambling while writing, aren’t I? You better get used to it. Writing every day also means writing without editing. Some people would accuse me of favoring quantity over quality. During all this creative writing I have studied during the last four months, I have learned to approach my blogging from a new point of view. The more you write the better you get at it. Later on, we can see if that’s a good thing.

If you are new here, welcome. I’m Viivi and I’m one big mess who owns too many blogs for her own good. Right now, I also try to live my dream life and that has killed my sense of reality. Feel free to follow this blog so you can read more odd posts or see my daily posts in LostViivi.com

What are your plans for the year 2018? Anything as crazy as mine?

With love,

Viivi with a plan (aka a bad idea)

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2018, Year of Blogging

2018 is almost here. In my travel blog’s last post I mentioned that at the start of the year 2017 I promised myself it would be my year of traveling. Surprisingly, it was a quite easy promise to keep. Now it’s time to make my New Year’s resolution for 2018. Wanna know what I have decided? Or maybe the title of this post already gave it away.

The year 2018 is going to be my year of blogging.

If you are an avid reader of my blogs, you know that I am a blogging addict. It all started with my travel blog. Then I created photography blog to learn photo editing. After that, this side blog was born. And I have been talking about starting review blog for forever (I even have like 5 post written for it). In addition to all these, I have wanted to start writing a blog about my adventures as an almost full-time writer for some time now.

That makes 3 blogs and 2 blogs I would like to start at the beginning of 2018. Like I said… I am an addict.

During my travel year 2017, blogging became harder. I have had blogs before but I have never written them longer than for a year. The oldest of my blogs, Go Travel Global, will be two years next February. I have never gotten this far so I have no idea if the writing will get easier. That’s what I want to believe and so 2018 will be dedicated to blogging.

I know that I have told these plans to you earlier. “I will start writing twice a week. No more blogging breaks. Hey, I am back!” When we talk about schedule, I’m the worst. However, this time I have made schedule once again and my plan is to make this really happen. The secret? I started reading writing guidebooks a few months back and all of the books have one staying theme: You have to keep doing it and think it as a job or you won’t succeed. I am going to be blogging more than ever just you wait!

So, what is my ambitious plan?

Mondays: I will publish review post on Reviews From Idiot

Wednesdays: Wanderlust Wednesdays are back! Post every week in Go Travel Global

Fridays: Blog post about living as a writer in my writer’s blog Lost Writer Viivi

Rest of the days I will be posting on this blog. That’s a lot of blogging, right? In fact, if you did read that carefully it means blogging every day of the week for whole year. 

Don’t look me whit those judging eyes! You can think that I will get bored after a few days if you want. When I once decide to really do something there is no stopping me! Lately, I have been thinking a lot and come to the decision that even more than traveling I want to do blogging and writing. My content may not be perfect yet but I think my English skills and writing skills in general get better every time I write something.

Many people do daily vlogging nowadays so can we please start a new trend of daily blogging?

This seems crazy but hey that’s who I am!

Are you ready to start this crazy year with me?

With love,

Viivi Who Fell For Blogging…

I can’t sleep

For some reason, I have had super long jetlag after returning from my New York, Iceland and Sweden trip. I am sleepy at 5pm, my eyes won’t stay open at 8pm and then when I try to sleep I just can’t fall asleep. Hours of rolling around in my bed. And it gets even worse when I wake up at 5am after sleeping only for about 5 hours. I can’t fall asleep again. It’s just impossible.

What did I do to deserve this torture?

I have always seen a lot of dreams that I remember well but for these few nights, it has gotten even worse. I wake up feeling hazy. What is true and what is not? It would be easier if my dreams didn’t make sense. Can I get flying, dragons and falling in love with someone handsome and famous? Watching my family fighting, friends disappearing and my dreams getting crushed night after night gets boring quickly.

It hasn’t even been a week and the nights are still driving me crazy. I didn’t have any problems when I returned from Japan so why am I struggling so much right now?

With love,

Sleep derivated Viivi

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Photo: Mehmet Kürşat Değer

True raw emotions.

Today I want to speak about suicide. Yesterday someone who I have never met and someone who I don’t even know killed himself. I have never even talked to this person and he had no idea that I even existed but still, this death has impacted me. What else would you except when he impacted my life while still living?

Today I want to speak about suicide but I won’t. I don’t think I can. And that’s why I will tell you a small story.

This is a story of young Viivi who was always lost in her life and who didn’t feel like she belonged. This is a story of someone who found peace and way to continue from listening to music. And then when time went by this changes to a story of her finding a best friend through this strange world of listening to music from bands that you can’t even understand.

It starts at primary school. I can’t remember how. I see a video of band singing language I can’t understand and they are dancing almost too perfectly. It’s odd and new but still enchanting. Weeks, months and years go by me listening to music by myself. At some point, it’s not just the music and amazing videos. I start to watch reality shows, dramas and I remember all members of these bands by name.

I still have no idea what they are saying but I don’t care. I don’t need to understand to enjoy the music.

Then I go to high school and I meet someone who shares my interest. We become friends, travel to concerts, laugh for the silly reality shows and before anything else enjoy the music. It’s a magical time of my life. It’s so easy to be happy. When your own life doesn’t feel right, you can just make yourself to forget everything. Music takes all your worries away and these silly but talented people performing it can always bring a smile to your face.

Years start running faster and my life is changing. I find something else. Traveling, writing blogs and living my life. There is no time for everything but I never forget. When I open Spotify I still listen to kpop more often than not. Even one photo or one memory from the time of my life can make me delighted. It was my youth and it’s still my future. You never truly get over the things you have once loved and today I can see it so clearly.

Yesterday I was messaging with my friend totally normally and then out of nowhere, she asked me did I know why the internet was full of sad Jonghyun. I didn’t. It took a while and then she told me that Jjong had committed suicide. It didn’t sink in first. I haven’t been actively following what happens with Shinee for a long time but they are still one of the bands closest to my heart. I have cried, I have laughed, I have lived listening to their songs.

Shinee was one of the first bands I fell in love with. And no I don’t speak about kpop. I speak about bands generally in all music categories. There are about million memories I could share now because my mind is right now full of them.

Being fifteen and laughing at Amigo because in Finnish the song sounds like they are singing over and over again that they want to fuck. Dancing and singing RingDingDong alone in my room. Being addicted to so many of their songs that it is not even funny. Crying while to The Reason even if I only could understand the words from translations. Still remembering the words of Sherlock even if it has been years.

And lastly listening to Tell Me What To Do over and over again just last week in New York when I was feeling a little bit homesick. Even now it’s kpop and music that makes me survive the hardest parts of my life. Even now after years, it’s Shinee. It will always be Shinee.

Kuva:  BRUNO CERVERA

Sometimes I don’t want this travel life

After two years of traveling the world as much as possible while dreaming of life as a full time traveler and writing fastly growing travel blog, it’s scary to realize that in fact, you don’t want to travel. You have been running towards this magical life waiting for the perfect happiness just to see that this won’t be the right things for you. Maybe traveling isn’t the answer?

I don’t want you to understand this the wrong way. There is nothing better than sitting hours on an airplane going towards unknown, meeting strangers in hostel dorms and seeing the sunset in a new city every morning. I love traveling and I could not live without it. But there is something else that keeps me grounded.

I can’t stay at home for too long because my feet get itchy and mind starts to wander to new countries. But at the same time being in a new country for too long tires me endlessly. Waking up is hard. Let me tell you a secret: I may be staying in this amazing new country with so many places to explore but all I can think about is that I want to go back home. There are so many things to see. Maybe too much.

This may not make sense to you but for me, it’s the reality. I am lost like usually and still, I know exactly where I should go. Traveling is my thing. Definitely. But so is staying at home, sleeping long and just writing endless stories while staying in my bed from morning until I am too hungry to continue. I want both. Is it wrong of me to not want to decide?

In perfect case scenario, I would live every other month in a new city. Tourist attractions, unknown streets and writing my diary in small cozy cafes while watching the locals around me. Writing travel blog about my experiences and thoughts while experiencing all these unforgettable things. Finding new friends and meeting the ones who I have met before because of this crazy life of traveling I currently live.

But then after a month or sometimes maybe two, I would take that plane back to home. My back would be full of souvenirs and gifts for my family and friends. My blog would be still full of travel photos and stories I haven’t yet been ready to share. The first few days would just go by sleeping in my own bed and watching Netflix, relaxing and meeting friends. Then my days would be full of writing. Stories of my adventures but also about everything else. Going to seminars or attending to all kind of open university glasses.

For a month or sometimes maybe two, I would hang out back at home walking the streets I know so well. During that time I could work even more writing and maybe doing a little bit of translating to get by. My main aim, however, should be creative writing that I am even now studying. Then after that time at home, my feet would take me again to new countries and unknown places.

Being free and going where ever you want. Is that too much to ask?

With love,

Viivi who wants everything

 

The first not a date

Fifth of December
I remember the first time someone asked me out. I was eighteen, socially awkward and had never dated anyone. Nothing has changed except my age. At that time I was attending this high school psychology summer course while he was from the Swedish course class next to ours. First time we spoke he asked if he could sit next to me and I had nothing against it.

The next two weeks went by us sitting side by side during the short breaks. I was always listening to music with one headphone on and he kept reading quickly changing books. It was nice I have to admit. I didn’t have to sit alone while everyone else had a friend with them. Then one time he asked me what music I was listening to and after that, we had small conversations every now and then.

He was odd but so was I. One of the last breaks we spent together he started reading love poems in Germany for me. It was probably a sign of interest towards me that anyone else could have seen. I didn’t.

During the last day and last break of my course, I told him that we wouldn’t see anymore. He asked me out. I had no idea that he would do it. And even now I am not sure if he truly wanted to go on date or just see me again as a friend. He asked if I would like to come to the library someday with him. Then I promised to ask him as a friend on Facebook but I never did because I forgot his name before I had time.

I still think of him sometimes even if I never felt anything special towards him. He was the first boy who asked me out –probably- and also the only boy who had asked me out for a few years. Never before had I known that anyone would truly be interested in me.

Next time or better said the next few times happened during my Japan trip. I was never sure if they were interested in me or if it was just a friendly gesture. It was never “Would you like to go out with me?” But isn’t asking someone for coffee kind of the same thing? I have no idea so I have never been sure.

After my Japan trip, it started to happen more occasionally. Not often but every now and then. I realized that when I was traveling other people would get interested in me. Maybe I looked more beautiful or free than back at home? I have no idea why but I gained more attention as a traveler and amongst foreigners than back at home in Finland.

At some point, I came to the closure that it must be that “inner beauty” people so often talk about. I look better when I am happy and free of all worries. Or maybe all those people have just been some creeps that prey on silly traveler girls?

With love,

Undateable Viivi

First snow blues

Second of December
First snow. I want to hate it. It means winter, coldness, wearing too many clothes all the time and never going outside. Snow means one year is coming to the end too soon. What there is not to hate? And still, I am like a kid. Running around trying to catch the snowflakes with my tongue. Everything turns white and looks so magical. People are laughing after long dark autumn and children running around making snow angels. What there is not to love? How could I hate this?

 

(This is text I wrote earlier this year during the first snow. I wanted to publish it but I just didn’t have anything else to say. So, here it is. Why do you hate and love first snow?)

With love,

Childish Viivi

 

First of December

I haven’t been busy but I have no time. Because I am some kind of stupid idiot, I have decided to study two university degrees at the same time. Why did I ever think that this would be a good idea? I study creative writing. It is my passion. It is my thing. But then I decided to continue my business studies that I declared as too simple and boring for me.

It’s partly because of money. Finland’s government helps financially those who study in “real university”. My creative writing is only an open university. A writer isn’t a job in Finland. Or so most of us seem to think. So, why I try so hard to be something not possible? Why is writing my only real passion? Even traveling seems dull and irrelevant next to days used writing never-ending stories.

I don’t have time for my blogs. Maybe trying to write three blogs wasn’t possible in the first place? All the inspiration I used to have is now written for other people who order blog articles from me. I miss writing for myself. Writing whatever I want and without worrying about grammar and being 100% correct.

This is why I am writing now. This December I will write more. After New Year I will start normal rhythm. Travel blog once a week. Random posts here whenever I want. Photos to my photo blog as often as possible.

Today is the first day of December. 24 days till Christmas. Maybe I have all the elements to do writing Chrismas calender? 24 posts. Can I do it?

With love,

Hopeful Viivi

Whatever I fail or succeed…

I am like small kid on her first day of school. Except I am literally dying because I am so scared. 30 minutes before I have to leave. 1 hour of driving before I will be there. My stress level is out of the roof. I don’t know if this is good or bed thing. I don’t think I have been this scared of anything in long time. Especially not about starting school. Is that good or bad sign?

Today is my first day in university. Today is the day I finally start studying something I have always dreamed of but never truly believed would be possible.

Creative writing.

I am going to study creative writing. My head is screaming that this is bad idea but at the same time that this is the only right route I can take. Writing is my thing. I has always been. I was one of the last people on my class at school who learned how to read and write but after I started there was no stopping me. Being writer would be the only right job for me.

But I already know today is going to be hard. There will be other people. People who are probably better than I. People who write amazing stories, who have experience and who know what they are doing. I have just never finished books, anxiety and doubt of my own skills. It’s always as hard to show my texts for others. My first reaction is always wait for the critic. I love writing but it doesn’t mean I am good at it, right?

My heart is bounding so loudly, hands shaking and stomach hurting. It’s hard to breath and there is this never ending screaming voice in my head. I am scared. I am so scared of this evening. And still there is this stubborn kid inside of me telling how I have finally found the right way.

I would give everything to just write everyday. I would stop traveling, I would stay locked in my room for weeks, I would only eat healthy food for the rest of my life. Anything to write. Be writer.

So, wish me luck. I am going to try with all I got. Whatever I fail or succeed. Whatever my fears are trying to take me down. This is my dream and the only thing I can really do with my life.

With love,

Viivi with Dreams

Always either lost or sick

I am sick. I should be writing my travel blog. But for some reason I just can’t do anything. I don’t feel like doing anything. I have been sleeping for hours. Last night I got over 13 hours of sleep so even if my body wants to rest my mind just keeps running wild. This is quite normal. One of my best friends put it well a while back: I am always either sick or lost. 

So, here I am writing like always when my mind can’t keep its calm or when it’s hard to fall asleep. Have you ever been like this? Too tired to do anything but too awake to fall asleep. Today I had short conversation with another of my friends of why I am always sick. He didn’t know about it. We have only known for a year and that time I have been surprisingly well. It brought some memories back to me.

My body gets sick easily and I think that I have problems with containing stress. Because of that I am sick all the time. But that’s not all. There has been times in my life when I used to be sick for months in row. And I am not talking about just some “oh I have cough” sickness. No, I have been sleeping for almost month like sleeping beauty because I just can’t stand up. Can’t remember a much from those times. It’s all just a blur.

I am used to being sick. In fact sometimes I even enjoy it. Well, not that feeling awful and sneezing all the time part but the part where I can download my own batteries by just relaxing. As person I am someone who can’t never really just be and do nothing. My mind is always full of things I haven’t done and at the same time I am always stressing about something. But then I fall sick and there is good reason to just be.

So, maybe me being often sick has something to do with my body trying to take break? Or my mind?

I don’t really know where I was going with this but hey I am sick so I can write whatever I want… (Like I didn’t usually just ponder random thoughts here!) Maybe it’s time for me to stop this odd post. Let’s blame my feverish brains, okay?

With love,

Dead Viivi