10 Minutes Thursday

I have decided to start new writing series in this lost side blog of mine. If you don’t know, I started studying creative writing in university. And if you are ever studied writing in any way you may be familiar with this technique. 10 minutes of writing without stopping to think anything at any point. You just write whatever comes to your mind without editing or deleting. So, here is my first 10 minutes of writing the flow of my thoughts.
Expect to see more of this every Thursday!

I change my mind. I change my life. I change everything every day and every moment. I am allergic to staying, being and just getting stuck. My friends work towards that one goal they want. People I knew back at my childhood and teen years have families, homes and real work. I write, I travel and I change my plans daily.

My mind is running every second of the day. What new can I do today? What new can I try now? I try to be something totally different. Too long in one place is like death sentence for me. How can some people just keep living that same old life they were “meant to live”? I have wanted to be everything from rock start to astronaut and I still do even now. I may be adult but my mind keeps dreaming about these things others call silly.

I only have this one life but my mind wants to do hundred of different things. And that’s why I write. I write to live millions of lives in one lifetime. I write to see countries that don’t even exist and to fall in love with people who would never even see me in the real life. I write about fears and winning them so I will be strong. My stories are here to make me better person who can dream and achieve those dreams one by one. Never giving up.

Most people don’t get it. I never really speak about it. What writing means for me? Why do I write? I can’t even explain it with words. Writing is the only way to speak about it. I write to create something beautiful instead of seeing this scary ugly world outside of my window. Writing is my way of escaping. It’s my way of living.

With love,

Viivi Who Writes

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Whatever I fail or succeed…

I am like small kid on her first day of school. Except I am literally dying because I am so scared. 30 minutes before I have to leave. 1 hour of driving before I will be there. My stress level is out of the roof. I don’t know if this is good or bed thing. I don’t think I have been this scared of anything in long time. Especially not about starting school. Is that good or bad sign?

Today is my first day in university. Today is the day I finally start studying something I have always dreamed of but never truly believed would be possible.

Creative writing.

I am going to study creative writing. My head is screaming that this is bad idea but at the same time that this is the only right route I can take. Writing is my thing. I has always been. I was one of the last people on my class at school who learned how to read and write but after I started there was no stopping me. Being writer would be the only right job for me.

But I already know today is going to be hard. There will be other people. People who are probably better than I. People who write amazing stories, who have experience and who know what they are doing. I have just never finished books, anxiety and doubt of my own skills. It’s always as hard to show my texts for others. My first reaction is always wait for the critic. I love writing but it doesn’t mean I am good at it, right?

My heart is bounding so loudly, hands shaking and stomach hurting. It’s hard to breath and there is this never ending screaming voice in my head. I am scared. I am so scared of this evening. And still there is this stubborn kid inside of me telling how I have finally found the right way.

I would give everything to just write everyday. I would stop traveling, I would stay locked in my room for weeks, I would only eat healthy food for the rest of my life. Anything to write. Be writer.

So, wish me luck. I am going to try with all I got. Whatever I fail or succeed. Whatever my fears are trying to take me down. This is my dream and the only thing I can really do with my life.

With love,

Viivi with Dreams

Scared of Writing

I have no idea what to write.

I am surprised that I have been writing my travel blog for year and half. Usually my blogging has stopped after the first few months. Now I have been writing bravely even when it has been tiring. And then these last two months happened. I have zero inspiration to write blog. I mean I truly want to and I have ideas but for some reason I just can’t find the strenght to start.

Writing is hard and complicated.

Having readers makes it easier but still so impossible at times. I feel like my English sucks. My posts are just too long and boring. I am writing things that no one wants to read. Why can’t it just be easy? Why I have to care so much?

I have so many stories I want to share with people who for some reason read my texts. I never wrote about my Gdansk or Brighton adventures. Both of those trips have many funny stories I want to tell. In Gdansk I met crazy umbrella man who made me hate gender stereotypes and in Brighton I fell all over again for solo travel. So many stories, so little inspiration.

Maybe that’s why I started writing for this blog again. I for some reason lost all my readers here when playing with hosting services and that may have been the best thing ever. About 20 readers. It feels like a freedom again. Maybe this will help me to find that feeling of writing without caring of anything.

It’s kind of funny that I am so stressed out of people reading my texts. Usually I am that person who cares of nothing. I travel even if my friends and family don’t think it is a good idea. I dress like I want and don’t use make-up just because it’s too tiring. It’s my life and I will do what I want. But this writing thing has always been my weak spot. I love it too much so any bad comment makes me panic. What if I am not good enough? What if this thing I love more than anything (even more than travel) won’t work out?

I have always been good at writing. Not so much in English but in Finnish. People have always praised my writings. During school years I always got full score from creative writing assignments. I loved writing and others loved reading my texts.

Right now I can easily say that writing is my thing and that I am good at it. One year ago the situation was totally different. If someone praised my writing, I thought they were just lying. When someone asked what I can do well, I always thought about writing but never said it out loud. I was ashamed. I still am sometimes but it is getting easier. There is so many people who are better than I at this creative writing thing so how could I ever be good enough in it.

I can now admit that writing is my thing and that I can’t do anything else with my life if I truly want to be happy. And that’s why writing is so scary. If I fail what is left of me? If writing doesn’t work out what can I do?

So, here I am stuck with these feelings. I have no idea how to get over them and maybe there is no other way than just keep writing.

With love,

Scaredy-Cat Viivi

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Photo:Nick Morrison

The Awesome Blogger Award

I was nominated for this blogger award in my travel blog and now I published it in my side blog! And now I am once again sharing this new post I wrote here because apparently the posts you share in your wordpress.org blog (yeah, different thing than wordpress.com blog) the post doesn’t appear here in wordpress.com reader. Why is blogging so hard?

The Awesome Blogger Award

So, if you want to read my answers to 20 questions asked by two of my favorite travel bloggers click the link above!

I hope you are having amazing day and let’s hope I will keep writing my blogs more actively in the future (probably not…)

– Lost Viivi

Problems with everything

Problems With Studying and Parents

 

Does anyone know if there is way to make my self hosted wordpress.org site to appear in the wordpress.com reader? I am super happy that I decided to first try out this with my side blog and not with my real blog… This is hard!

And if you are interested behind that link you can find my newest diary post. Thanks!

With love,

Viivi

The Versatile Blogger Award

I haven’t been writing this blog that much lately (I am going to change that, okay!) but my travel blog has been active.

I got nominated in my travel blog for Versatile Blogger Award by The Wandering Itinerant. I am super thankful for that because it still feels so odd that someone would think my blog is worth of mentioning! If you haven’t yet read her blog, do it now. Her texts are always interesting and give me positive vibes every time I read them.

 

The Rules

  1. Thank the person who nominated you.
  2. Share 7 facts about yourself.
  3. Nominate 10 other bloggers of your choice.
  4. Link your nominees and let them know of your nomination.

 

7 facts about me…

  1. I am going to start studying creative writing in open university this autumn.
  2. I don’t have my own apartment and I am currently staying on my mum’s couch. #studentlife
  3. Crime TV-series are my favorite way to pass time but I get super bored when reading crime novels even if usually I am huge fan of books.
  4. I have 5 different library cards and I use all of them regularly.
  5. Blogging is still huge mystery for me. I just write and have no idea what else I should do. Same with social media.
  6. My life is currently hectic because I have bad habit of buying flight tickets without thinking my decisions more than a few hours.
  7. I have always been the quiet shy girl who let’s others speak before her but makes her views know if it is important.

 

10 People I am nominating:

I had hard time deciding 10 blogs to nominate here because this blogging community is full of amazing talented writers! These people were nominated because I love their blogs and think everyone should be reading their writings. (The links take you to their post I recommend you should read.)

Pastel Bottle Rocket
Earth’s Magical Places
The Wandering Core
Passport and Pigtails
Travel With Saskia
That Anxious Traveller
Shy Backpack
Seven Days Away With Jake
Slowly Becoming Adventurous
Dreams Voyager

 

I hope you are having an amazing day!
With love,

Viivi

I have been thinking…

I have been thinking.

Is life really worth living if you do something you don’t love from the bottom of your heart?

Is there really reason to be if you study something just because everyone expects you to do it. Or just because you don’t know what else to do so you just pick out the easiest route.

I have been thinking and it is never a good sign. I think everyone still remembers the last time because it ended up me leaving for Japan for three months. That time I returned even if I felt like it was the wrong decision. Someone asked me why I wouldn’t continue from Japan to Korea and to Taiwan, China, Philippines and to the whole world. I didn’t have answer for them. Everyone was waiting me back at home so I returned. For a few weeks it was okay. For a short moment I felt like I knew where I was going in my life.

And then I didn’t anymore.

I applied to universities but in the end I didn’t want to study any of the subjects. During the exams I was really sick and didn’t get in any of the places. Maybe I should have seen that as a sign to think again my life choices. I didn’t.

My mum found me open place from business school and against my own intuition I went there. What else would have I done? Where else would I have gone?

We are taught that life is long line of things you have to do. First school. Then you start working. The better pay you get the better life you will have. After working a while you will find love, get married, have children, buy your first own home. Then you work a little more until you retire. Perfect happy life.

Expect, I never saw myself living like that.

I never really had any dream professions. For the longest time I told for everyone that I wanted to be veterinarian. And in a way I wanted. When everyone kept asking me what I wanted to do when I grow up I had to come up with some kind of idea. Everyone else had one so of course I also had to have dream. Veterinarian was my choice because if I had to be stuck with one job for the rest of my life at least I would help some animals and humans at the same time.

It took me several years to realize that my dream job would never make me happy. I had decided it because saying veterinarian was easy. Because studying it would be easy and doing it for the rest of my life would be easy. It was job that made everyone else smile because it sounds good, the salary is good, it’s highly admired, it’s something everyone else saw me doing in the future.

I have been thinking and I have many dreams for my own future.

The problem?

I am not yet quite sure what those dreams are. Only recently I have started to think them more.  Today was probably the first day I intentionally began thinking ‘what are my dreams?’

Right now I only know a few things.

  • I love writing more than anything. If I could decide, I would write all day everyday.
  • Traveling makes me feel like I am truly living.
  • Blogging seems to be my thing and I am surprisingly good at it.
  • I have made some money writing blog posts and translating files. All the feedback has been positive until now.
  • Standing in one place for too long or doing one thing for the rest of my life seems impossible

But what do I want to do with my life?

Is there reason for me to study something I don’t want to do? How can I find the reason for my own life? Is there even way to find the meaning of life? Have some of us just made to live without purpose?

So many questions and no answers.

I have been thinking and I am lost. That’s never good combination.

With love,

Viivi Severina

My week of missing traveling

Hello once again everyone! I hope you have had another amazing week. I – like the title says – missed traveling and was busy getting ready for my summer job starting. So normal week that it is quite hard to even describe.

If we start from the Monday, my yearning for traveling started right away. I have never taken anyone else to the airport. It has always been me who has left. However this Monday I drove my little sister (okay, she is already adult but for me she is forever my little sister…) to the airport and left her there. She is going for month long interail around Europe. Yes, I am totally jealous! I want to travel even if I just returned from a few weeks long trip. But now I have work to do for June and July and only after that I have planned Rome trip with my mom.

But really taking someone else to the airport is so odd feeling. I am used to seeing airports as places for me to escape to somewhere magical. Airports mean adventure. But now I just drove in front of it. Said goodbyes for my sister and drove back home watching airplanes taking of in my rear view mirror. I wasn’t in one of those planes and it hurts. My whole week went missing traveling and feeling like I was in wrong place. I should have been in some exotic country, not in cold boring Finland. Now my work has started and fortunately those feelings aren’t as vivid anymore. I love my job and this summer is going to be amazing.

During the rest of the week I met friends, ate too much ice cream and just enjoyed the last days of my summer holiday. I may have watched almost whole season of Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries but I am not going to admit anything. In addition to just chilling and going to flea market shopping with friends, I was as dog sitter for my family’s dog and did long walks around the nearby forest.

After week of relaxing my weekend was full of activities. First I was looking after my friends dog while she was at work (that took all Saturday morning and afternoon). Right after she got her dog I left with my mother to my cousin’s graduation party. It was, well, everything I was waiting for. It was like parties with my family always goes. Fun, chaotic and a lot of arguing. Fortunately, good food makes everything better.

Usually people keep asking about my future plans but surprisingly this time there was almost no talking about my wrong university decisions. My grandpa is giving up with the hope of me going to Estonia to study veterinary. Even if I survived school talks someone almost revealed my travel blog to my grandpa. Last time he knew that I wrote blog it ended up printed to our family book. This time I rather keep it just in internet…

Then on Sunday I had to wake up too early for my own good and drive to work. And here I am now, just working working working. I will be living the whole summer on our cottage and enjoying Finnish summer life. What would be better way to spend your holiday?

Song Of The Week

Noah Curys – I’m Stuck

I hope you are having an amazing day!

Lost Viivi

And Winter Is Back…

I kept my promise and here is another weekly wrap-up post. Maybe this will be really a thing here in my blog? Because my holiday started last week I will have more time to write and blog. I will keep trying to write once a week in this blog but who knows what will happen. At least now I will start updating two times a week, like I have meant to do, in my TRAVEL BLOG.

 

Snowy Week Number 18…

If I had to describe my week with one word it would be SNOW… Most of other Finns probably agree with me. Even in my lovely home country Finland it should be spring and sunny at this time of the year. Right now when I am writing this (disclaimer: I wrote this on Sunday and forgot to publish…) it looks like the photo underneath:

finland_in_may

Who allowed this winter to return? Unfortunately for me, I had to drive with summer tires for hours when I moved back to my mom’s place. Like I mentioned above my school ended and summer holiday began so it was time to move out of my student city. Feels so odd because I lived there for a year and I don’t know if I will ever return.

While driving car full of stuff I took with me while moving I saw something super Finnish and funny. It was snowing but all ice cream kiosks were open. I mean, why not? When summer once starts in Finland we are not giving up. Not even if it means lining up for ice cream in snowfall and freezing weather!

Of course I stopped for ice cream during my drive like a many other people. There I stood in snowfall waiting for my turn to buy ice cream. I had my sneakers on and the rest of my way I had to suffer with wet shoes. But totally worth it! I opened the ice cream season and now I can say that it is officially summer.

After returning back to home I didn’t do a much, just some baking and resting after hard moving week. This resting included watching too much Netflix. Right now I am totally hooked with series like Brooklyn Nine-Nine and White Collar. My love for crime series is just endless and these two series have plots/style out of the ordinary detective series.

My long Netflix marathons aren’t so good thing because I have soon entrance exams to university. I have still no idea what I want to do so I don’t even know what to study. I have kind of fallen in love with translation jobs so maybe I will try to study English? If I ever get in because my language skills are the worst…

 

Song Of The Week:

Julia Brennan – Inner Demons

This week I have been totally hooked to this song. Julia is so pretty, her voice AMAZING and that video just so aesthetic. I would also totally stole those black jeans if I had a change…

 

So, how is your week going? Any fun stories? Or maybe new music for me to listen? Like always all comments are welcome.

With love,

Viivi Severina

Versatile Blogger Award

Hello everyone!

I know I’m lacking at this writing thing here (don’t roll your eyes when I say I have been busy…) But now I’m back because lovely Alice from Alicevsthethew0rld has nominated me for Versatile Blogger Award! If you haven’t already read her blog make sure you check out her adventures around the world. If you like haunted/paranormal travel tips her blog has many posts you will find interesting.

But now here is five facts of me you probably didn’t know:

  • I keep constantly dyeing my hair even if my mom hates it. And no I don’t mean blond, brown or other normal colors! Right now I have pink hair (it’s my personal favorite) but I have also had a little bit everything from bluish purple to carrot orange.

 

  • I have been addicted to kpop (or Korean pop) for years. And when I say for years I mean close to ten years now… I have endless list of favorite bands but to mention a few of them: Nu’est, BigBang, Super Junior, SHINee, Block B, BTS and B.A.P. (Maybe I should do longer post for this subject?) 

 

  • I studied animal careering so in theory I would be qualified to work in zoo, animal clinic, farm or as dog sitter. I love animals and had a lot of fun when studying but it’s not something I want to do the rest of my life.

 

  • I’m bookworm. I love reading. That’s it nothing more to say here.

 

 

And then I have to nominate people for Versatile Blogger Award. I have been too busy to decide any one so I will just nominate anyone who wants! I think all bloggers or people who even try to write deserve to get awarded.