I did something crazy and finally bought domain for my travel blog. I’m so thrilled and exited and proud. I would have never guessed this happening. Funny fact is that it has only been under four months from the times when I didn’t even have ten followers. When did all those 700 people start to read my writings?
Maybe I’m just over reacting but for me this is something I would have never expected. I started writing blogs to learn better English and save my travels for myself. Though it’s more interesting to write when someone is reading.
So now check out my travel blog from
This is amazing. I have had quite bad week so this decision really made my day.
I hope everyone is having as good day as I am. I will keep writing so see you soon.
it’s me again. Today I’m writing from train. I have been sitting here four hours already and have still another four to go. It’s long way but totally worth it. So where I am going?
I haven’t yet talked about this on my blogs but I am following my destiny. I don’t even know if I believe in destiny but if I did this would be perfect example of it happening. This train will take me to other side of Finland and to school entrance exams.
If you have been reading my blogs you may know that year ago I decided to have gap year because I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Then I volunteered three months in hostels and found the way I want to live. However after I returned home my family pressured me to apply in “good” universities.
I got badly sick just before the university exams were and didn’t get in. I was again without direction in my life. Or so I though. My mum had decided that her daughter will not have yet another gap year and made me to look the school that were still searching for new students.
Today I am going to entrance exam of school where I can learn about hospitality management and tourism. I never tought I would end up living in Lapland but now all I hope is that I will get in this school. I also never ever considered this area of studying before this school.
So four hours to go until I’m in Rovaniemi and one night until the exam. Wish me luck!
PS. Don’t forget to follow my TRAVEL BLOG! I’m soon having 600 readers and can’t really believe so many people would like to read what I have to day.
Yesterday I sat twenty minutes in car with my mum. The whole time she told me reasons why I should apply to the agricultural school. I have kept saying that I don’t want to go there. I will be miserable if I have to study that subject for another three years. She doesn’t listen.
She says it’s the only place I can get in. That I can’t do other jobs. It’s like meant to be. I already have studied animals, it’s close to home and I would easily get internship from my dad’s big company. Everything seems perfectly fit in. Expect me.
Even if that job and school was meant to be does it matte if I’m going to go insane doing it? I already know it would destroy me. This may sound dramatic but it is the truth. There is no way I will be drown back to the gray normal. I will not anymore do something others want and cause losing my own meaning.
I need challenges. I’m scared of average, not being enough, living my life just doing fine but never great. I’m scared to death that I will never find my meaning in this life. And that drives me to fight.
What my mum doesn’t get is that trying to make me do something will just backfire. The more people doubt me the more determined I am to walk my own road. My life is constant fight against the expectations. Going through my own dreams but never revealing them for anyone in the fear of getting laughed at.
So I’m going to fight once again. This is my life and my decisions. No one (even the people close to me) can’t tell me what to do. I may be stupid walking my own road but at least I don’t need to think “what if” in the future.
I love my family but sometimes I just want to get away. Today is one of those days I hope I would not feel bad about leaving everything behind. I love my family but I hate the plans they lay in front of me. Maybe I am just rebelling but I can’t live by the plans given to me.
Last spring I had university entrance exams. My motivation wasn’t present and I got really sick. I really wanted to get in to school but I didn’t find any field I would like to make my future. In the end I didn’t get in any of the schools I applied in.
End of summer and I was feeling lost but nothing new on that. The schools that have still free spots for autumn had their application processes to start. My mum sat next to me to be sure that I applied somewhere. I even got quite hyped up by one of the schools.
Tourism and hospitality that is studied with only few days in the university and most of the days in internet. It would give me time to travel. I would have time to study on my own pace. Perfect. I want to get in there.
My mum wasn’t so pleased about my choice. After a lot of threatening and shouting I also applied to agricultural field (and some business schools). I have already studied three years animal careering. It was nice but I would die if I had to go trough three more years of that. I need challenges to my life.
So now I’m in problems and in the moment all I can think about is running away.
Today I told my mum the agricultural school send me email. In that email they clearly stated that if I get accepted in I need to send my answer before I would have the other entrance exams. So put simple way if I can’t apply there and to the other schools at the same time.
For me the decision was easy. Don’t go to that school and go to the tourism and business schools’ exams. In the first place I didn’t want to study more farm things and animals. In my mums opinion my decision is totally wrong. With that school I could good job and better salary and sure job. But I would never be happy…
Why can’t my family realize that I need to do my own decisions?
I’m scared of wasting my life.
Dear diary (and the people on internet),
have you ever felt like you don’t belong in this place? You have liven the whole life in this same place but still never truly called it home. This is me. I’m the person who fits in perfectly but never feels like truly belonging.
I’m sick. And when I’m sick my thoughts run their own ways and that’s why I want to talk for you about not belonging. Right now my sister is laughing with her friends upstairs and my brother is somewhere catching Pokemons with his friends. They are having fun, they know how to live. It’s good that they don’t seem like me.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my friends, have fun with them and would do anything for them. BUT… Making friends and spending time together has never been natural for me. It feels awkward and I don’t know how to act. Should I send text or wait on from them? Should I invite them to my house? What should we do together? I have never truly got the etiquette of being friends.
When I was younger I used to think that I must be alien from another planet. I never felt like this place was my home. The people around me were mystery for me and still I seemed to see right trough of them. I admit being scared often and thinking that something must be wrong with me.
Now when I am older the feeling of not belonging is still present in everything I do. Something has changed from my earlier days. I know I am not alien but just a individual with strong sense of not wanting to be part of the mass. I have learned to live with myself. I know I’m not the only one feeling like this and that drives me to write. My voice wants to get heard and soul to seen.
With love and mixed thoughts,
I have always been good at lying. It’s skill I don’t know to be proud of or try to get rid off. I know how to make anyone believe anything. It has always been like that. I remember as child making something my sisters fault and never even getting caught. (I’m sorry if you read this someday!)
So why am I talking about this today? Because no one knows what I am planning. Like I have told my university results came out and I didn’t get in. The truth is I never ever wanted to go there. It’s crazy but I want to travel, live and not be the normal person. I feel like I can’t get trough another year here living this life.
So I lie.
Yes mom, I will apply to the job. Yes dad, I’m going to the open university. I’m smiling like it is true, like there is hope for me. It’s easy because there is other reasons for me to smile. I’m going to go. Not to job or to study. I’m going to go and disappear to the world.
I may take the place to study if I still get in but travel is currently my priority. It’s stupid and I know it. 21 years olds shouldn’t have impossible dreams and hopes for their life. I want to keep writing and traveling and make those my job. That is as impossible as it can get…
So I keep lying because I know what everyone would say. Silly girl you can’t do that. Go to school, get a job and live like everyone else. It’s not just my family who would keep me here if they know. My friends, almost random people in Facebook, the unknown neighbours, everyone. No one would believe it is possible to live that way. Probably many reading this won’t believe in me.
Lying is my self defense. It gives me cover when I am trying to run from my life. I have escaped once but ended up coming back. Now I am trying to go again and when you don’t see it coming I have already dissapeared.
Yes, lying is bad but for me it can safe a life. My life.
With love and lies,
Hello!My university entrance exam results just come out and no big surprises there. I didn’t get in. Although I am in position that if 11 persons don’t take their places I will get in. However very unlikely.
So what now?
I have no idea. Right away after revealing to my mom that I didn’t get in she started to rant how I should now try to find job. That’s probably true. I already had one gap year so this another one I should life like adult.
If you have read my travel blog you know that I grave to see the world. I won’t listen mom’s advice even if I will walk towards my own doomed life. Traveling isn’t easy. Without money it is almost impossible.
For my own bad luck (or good luck. Depend how you want to see it.) I have always been the person who wants to break all the odds. When someone tells me I can’t do it, nothing is stopping me from proving them wrong.
Really, so what now?
Well I have Helpx site open and I am trying to look for place/hostel to volunteer for couple of months. Then I should decide some kind of job to do. Working holiday in Australia or New Zealand? Cruise ship work? Something else?
Someone hire me to travel the world! Please?
She tells stories in her head, hopes someday someone will be able to read her mind. Then the reality hits hard. That day will never come. If she wants to share the adventures running around her head there is only one way. Only one destiny waiting for her.
The white paper is staring back at her. Screaming that there is no way for her to do this. Writing or better said being good at it is just dream. It will be just one of the stories in her head. One of the beautiful dreams repeating over and over again.
After first word she writes second, third ad fourth. After a while she starts to scream back for the paper. Puts sentence after sentence stories to its clean white surface. Even if this is going to be just one of the stories never happening she is not going down without fight. Because only way she knows how to live is by writing, she will fight until the end.