Tea, thoughts, and snowy nights

It’s snowing hard and I’m staring out into the darkness. I have tried to start this post for last two weeks. It’s hard to write daily.

I’m sitting on a plane flying to London.
I’m staring the sea from my hostel bed.
I’m sipping chai latte in small colorful cafe.
I’m staring out to the airport runway from my hotel room.
I’m trying to write something, anything in my own bed.

None of those sentences started this post. It took me two weeks to find the right words. It’s snowing. I can’t leave my mom’s place and return home because there is too much snow. I wrote a book review on Tuesday and travel post yesterday on Wednesday. I’m on writing daily streak once again. Maybe it will get easier? Probably not.

Lately, I have been listening to too many motivational speeches and spent hours just reading motivational quotes from Pinterest. Something inside of me wants to be that person who wakes up early every morning to do productive activities. I want to write thousands of words every day and finish a novel in 30 days. If there was a way to stop this addiction I have towards daydreaming for hours, you could see me as the first one lining up to test the cure.

I’m lazy.

It’s simple. I’m lazy, unproductive and keen to use a time for unnecessary things.

Maybe it’s not a bad thing? If I just could make money daydreaming. And maybe I can. My mind is writers mind. Whatever I do and where ever I go, my mind finds new story ideas and creates new characters based on the people I meet or see. Daydreaming. My pen has to move faster so I can make this thing work. Memories and thoughts are so quick to disappear. It’s hard to find paper and pen when you could just lay in your bed dreaming of new worlds. But maybe I can?

This post has once again been a mess. That’s who I’m so getting used to it. Random thoughts and quickly changing subjects. This is my blog and I do whatever I want. As long as I think like that, the writing won’t be that hard. My texts, stories and the words I write are made for me, not for anyone else. Let’s hope I will write again tomorrow. Who knows…

With love,

Lost Viivi

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Photo: Andi Rizal

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I can’t skip a day…

Hello everyone!

I didn’t know what to write today. I’m sleeping on my friend’s floor, the day is almost changing and I have promised to blog every day. It’s easy to write posts when you have one specific subject but this blog is something different. “Write about anything that’s on your mind.” So I was thinking when starting this specific blog. I was sure it would be easy but I was not.

How to come up with blog text idea from scratches? The only solution I know is to just write. Write even if it sounds stupid, and keep writing even if your whole mind is empty. They teach us this technique in university when learning about creative writing. Usually, you are not meant to show these texts for people. You’re writing for yourself. Just for yourself. And now I’m writing for everyone who knows me and for so many people who have no idea who I’m.

Okay, write about anything that’s currently on your mind. What’s in my mind? What am I thinking?

We watched today the last part of the Lord of the Rings. I had almost forgotten how much I love that movie. The plot, the characters and, of course, Legolas. Don’t we all love Legolas? If you don’t, there is something really wrong with your brain (just kidding).

Maybe I should list all the characters I have fallen in love with? That would be a long post. It would start with characters from children’s series. Robin Hood from the Disney movie and Odd from that cartoon series Code Lyoko. There would be Legolas and Draco Malfoy, Han Solo from Star Wars and let’s not forget the endless list of anime and manga characters. I always find that one character and their story more appealing than the movie or book as a whole.

Sorry for this odd, short and random posts. I promised to write daily but I never said these would be quality texts. But at least you will always learn something new about me and get a sneak peek to my brain. Do you ever have a hard time finding subjects for your blog posts? Or have you ever tried this style of just writing about anything and nothing in your mind?

With love,

Nostalgic Viivi

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Photo: Bryan Minear

Sometimes I don’t want this travel life

After two years of traveling the world as much as possible while dreaming of life as a full time traveler and writing fastly growing travel blog, it’s scary to realize that in fact, you don’t want to travel. You have been running towards this magical life waiting for the perfect happiness just to see that this won’t be the right things for you. Maybe traveling isn’t the answer?

I don’t want you to understand this the wrong way. There is nothing better than sitting hours on an airplane going towards unknown, meeting strangers in hostel dorms and seeing the sunset in a new city every morning. I love traveling and I could not live without it. But there is something else that keeps me grounded.

I can’t stay at home for too long because my feet get itchy and mind starts to wander to new countries. But at the same time being in a new country for too long tires me endlessly. Waking up is hard. Let me tell you a secret: I may be staying in this amazing new country with so many places to explore but all I can think about is that I want to go back home. There are so many things to see. Maybe too much.

This may not make sense to you but for me, it’s the reality. I am lost like usually and still, I know exactly where I should go. Traveling is my thing. Definitely. But so is staying at home, sleeping long and just writing endless stories while staying in my bed from morning until I am too hungry to continue. I want both. Is it wrong of me to not want to decide?

In perfect case scenario, I would live every other month in a new city. Tourist attractions, unknown streets and writing my diary in small cozy cafes while watching the locals around me. Writing travel blog about my experiences and thoughts while experiencing all these unforgettable things. Finding new friends and meeting the ones who I have met before because of this crazy life of traveling I currently live.

But then after a month or sometimes maybe two, I would take that plane back to home. My back would be full of souvenirs and gifts for my family and friends. My blog would be still full of travel photos and stories I haven’t yet been ready to share. The first few days would just go by sleeping in my own bed and watching Netflix, relaxing and meeting friends. Then my days would be full of writing. Stories of my adventures but also about everything else. Going to seminars or attending to all kind of open university glasses.

For a month or sometimes maybe two, I would hang out back at home walking the streets I know so well. During that time I could work even more writing and maybe doing a little bit of translating to get by. My main aim, however, should be creative writing that I am even now studying. Then after that time at home, my feet would take me again to new countries and unknown places.

Being free and going where ever you want. Is that too much to ask?

With love,

Viivi who wants everything

 

I am struggling with procrastination

I procrastinate more than most of the people. If there is any task I have to do before an exact date, it’s 99% possibility that I won’t do it until there are about three hours left. And still, I never return anything late. And usually, my work gets praised. During high school and primary school, this worked just fine. I had a deadline for almost everything and I did well in tests without studying but now when I am officially “adult” everything is a struggle.

At mornings I know exactly what I should do during the day but when I fall asleep at night I have never done everything. With sending emails or making phone calls it gets even worse. For example, right now I have been trying to make one call to my bank for about six months. SIX MONTHS. That’s not an even bad situation in my bad case because one email has been waiting to be sent for 10 months and let’s not even speak about the emails and calls I never made.

Someone, please help me. Is there a way to get out of this endless ring?

Inspirations for today’s text was from this amazing TED Talk.
If you are like me, please watch it and tell your own experiences in the comments!

In this post series, I write 10 minutes without stopping, editing or planning anything. I just write whatever is in my mind and publish it like that. 
Expect to see more of this every Thursday!

With love,

Procrastinating Viivi

Always either lost or sick

I am sick. I should be writing my travel blog. But for some reason I just can’t do anything. I don’t feel like doing anything. I have been sleeping for hours. Last night I got over 13 hours of sleep so even if my body wants to rest my mind just keeps running wild. This is quite normal. One of my best friends put it well a while back: I am always either sick or lost. 

So, here I am writing like always when my mind can’t keep its calm or when it’s hard to fall asleep. Have you ever been like this? Too tired to do anything but too awake to fall asleep. Today I had short conversation with another of my friends of why I am always sick. He didn’t know about it. We have only known for a year and that time I have been surprisingly well. It brought some memories back to me.

My body gets sick easily and I think that I have problems with containing stress. Because of that I am sick all the time. But that’s not all. There has been times in my life when I used to be sick for months in row. And I am not talking about just some “oh I have cough” sickness. No, I have been sleeping for almost month like sleeping beauty because I just can’t stand up. Can’t remember a much from those times. It’s all just a blur.

I am used to being sick. In fact sometimes I even enjoy it. Well, not that feeling awful and sneezing all the time part but the part where I can download my own batteries by just relaxing. As person I am someone who can’t never really just be and do nothing. My mind is always full of things I haven’t done and at the same time I am always stressing about something. But then I fall sick and there is good reason to just be.

So, maybe me being often sick has something to do with my body trying to take break? Or my mind?

I don’t really know where I was going with this but hey I am sick so I can write whatever I want… (Like I didn’t usually just ponder random thoughts here!) Maybe it’s time for me to stop this odd post. Let’s blame my feverish brains, okay?

With love,

Dead Viivi

I have been thinking…

I have been thinking.

Is life really worth living if you do something you don’t love from the bottom of your heart?

Is there really reason to be if you study something just because everyone expects you to do it. Or just because you don’t know what else to do so you just pick out the easiest route.

I have been thinking and it is never a good sign. I think everyone still remembers the last time because it ended up me leaving for Japan for three months. That time I returned even if I felt like it was the wrong decision. Someone asked me why I wouldn’t continue from Japan to Korea and to Taiwan, China, Philippines and to the whole world. I didn’t have answer for them. Everyone was waiting me back at home so I returned. For a few weeks it was okay. For a short moment I felt like I knew where I was going in my life.

And then I didn’t anymore.

I applied to universities but in the end I didn’t want to study any of the subjects. During the exams I was really sick and didn’t get in any of the places. Maybe I should have seen that as a sign to think again my life choices. I didn’t.

My mum found me open place from business school and against my own intuition I went there. What else would have I done? Where else would I have gone?

We are taught that life is long line of things you have to do. First school. Then you start working. The better pay you get the better life you will have. After working a while you will find love, get married, have children, buy your first own home. Then you work a little more until you retire. Perfect happy life.

Expect, I never saw myself living like that.

I never really had any dream professions. For the longest time I told for everyone that I wanted to be veterinarian. And in a way I wanted. When everyone kept asking me what I wanted to do when I grow up I had to come up with some kind of idea. Everyone else had one so of course I also had to have dream. Veterinarian was my choice because if I had to be stuck with one job for the rest of my life at least I would help some animals and humans at the same time.

It took me several years to realize that my dream job would never make me happy. I had decided it because saying veterinarian was easy. Because studying it would be easy and doing it for the rest of my life would be easy. It was job that made everyone else smile because it sounds good, the salary is good, it’s highly admired, it’s something everyone else saw me doing in the future.

I have been thinking and I have many dreams for my own future.

The problem?

I am not yet quite sure what those dreams are. Only recently I have started to think them more.  Today was probably the first day I intentionally began thinking ‘what are my dreams?’

Right now I only know a few things.

  • I love writing more than anything. If I could decide, I would write all day everyday.
  • Traveling makes me feel like I am truly living.
  • Blogging seems to be my thing and I am surprisingly good at it.
  • I have made some money writing blog posts and translating files. All the feedback has been positive until now.
  • Standing in one place for too long or doing one thing for the rest of my life seems impossible

But what do I want to do with my life?

Is there reason for me to study something I don’t want to do? How can I find the reason for my own life? Is there even way to find the meaning of life? Have some of us just made to live without purpose?

So many questions and no answers.

I have been thinking and I am lost. That’s never good combination.

With love,

Viivi Severina

I’m not a boy, I like pink!

I really want to write something more than just answers to blogger awards in this blog… I have always been good at writing random things (and also boring text without any proper meaning…) So, I was thinking about trying to write something every week. Trying to write. If you read my travel blog you may already know that I am the worst at keeping these kind of promises.

BUT my school is ending in a week and I have whole summer to write more. Maybe I will make this to work? So, wait for weekly wrap ups or whatever you want to call these on Monday or Sundays (or never). I will just talk about my week and maybe you can tell me about your week in the comments.

 

So, what happened to me on week 17?

To tell the truth, nothing much. I was sick the whole week and I had to move all furniture out of my apartment. I have to move out this Friday so last week I had meant to start cleaning and stuff. In the end I did almost nothing.

The start of last week was nice because I was still hyped up from my Easter family trip to Stockholm. We saw a lot of beautiful cherry blossoms there and now all I can think about is how could I save money to travel to Japan next spring. I just have to see more of that beauty!

(I may be quite boyish but I love everything pink…)

In addition to moving, being sick and recovering from travel, I sat in car for too long. First when my dad was helping me to move my stuff back to my hometown. Then another five hours trip back to my current university town. I love driving alone for long periods of time so I had no complaining. It calms my mind and right now I have too many things in my head.

I stopped for tea three times just to relax, walk around gas stations and enjoy the weather. (That last part is totally ironical…) About half of my drive back to my student city it was snowing. Snow in April… Welcome to Finland! Funny thing is that even if it was snowing I also saw the first ice cream kiosks of this summer.

I’m not kidding! It’s so comical to see open kiosk and signs for ice cream while you are driving in snowfall. And because Finns are desperate for summer to start I even saw customers in four of the five kiosks I saw during that five hours. Who wouldn’t love ice cream even if it is cold and wintery?

 

Funny Story Of The Week

I am someone who is always in some kind of problems or in awkward situations. Last week maybe the funniest moment I had with another human being was in gas station’s toilet. I had stopped for tea break during my long drive back home and of course first things first I decided to find the toilets. I went in, did my business and all good. I was washing my hands when a little girl (maybe about 5 years old but I am bad at guessing ages…) and her mother walked to the sink next to mine.

Totally normal and all good I dried my hands until I heard whisper behind me:

“Mom… What is that boy doing in girls’ toilet?”

At this point I was trying to not laugh and the mom looked super embarrassed while explaining to her child that I was in fact girl. I mean I have short hair, boyish face and my huge hoodie hided my boobs so I can understand why the little girl was mistaken. This is not even the first time something like this has happened so I am kind of used to it. But every time this happens it is still the funniest thing if you ask from me.

I am forever confusing children (and sometimes even adults)! 😀

 

Song Of The Week

SVGV – Who Am I

THIS SONG! It is just too real… The lyrics are like straight from my mind. Somehow it has always been hard for me to know who I am. I feel like everyone around me know what they want to do and where to go with their lives. Me in the other hand… Well, I have no idea. I have always wanted to do everything but I don’t see myself doing any of those things for the rest of my life.

In the morning, in the street
In the music, in the beat
In the people I see
I’ve been looking for myself

In the train, In the rain
In the pain, In the gain
In the city I came
I’ve been looking for myself

Whatever I do and where ever I go I just feel like I am looking for myself. Maybe this thing would be my thing? Maybe this way of living the right one for me? I don’t really know. And I have never understood. How can some people just decide so easily what they want to do? I mean this world is full of different choices. So many ways one can live. I just don’t know how could I choose only one life path for myself…

 

I didn’t mean to end this so dramatically and depressingly. Sorry. So, how have you been? Any good or bad moments you want to share? Let’s hope I will write again next Monday (or at least some time in the future…)

With love,

Viivi Severina

So…University? Or..?

It’s again that time of the year! I have to throw dices, pick eyes shut and randomly decide universities to apply for. I know I am in one right now but this isn’t really my thing and my parents (+everyone else) thinks that I should study something different.

Problem?

I have no idea what! So this post is basically going to be me not applying anywhere, trying to find THAT right university for myself and of course random talk about nothing important. So… are you ready? Let’s get random and try to solve this impossible puzzle of my school problems.

Right now I am studying business in small city far far away from my home town. It is not ideal but I have liked some of the subject we study here. Marketing is something I would see myself studying more but I totally suck at it so probably not the best career choice. I am extremely good at money, legal, computer and documentation things but I have totally slept through all those classes because it was too easy. I would die to boredom if I had to study more of that.

One possible option: studying business remotely.

+ I LOVE remote and internet studying
+ Possible to do the work anywhere
+ More travelling? And blogging?
+ Those interesting marketing courses
– Limited possibilities / only a few different courses
– Where would I live? Going back to home is not option…
– What would be my future career?
– Two days / a month ‘real’ school days

If I choose that remote studying option, the next step is to choose do I want to continue in the school I am right now or do I was to try to get in some other school. My current university is nice but it’s expensive to come here for a few days every month. Problem is that I don’t know if I can get in to other similar universities from my university.

Old dream: Psychology

+ I studied all possible courses in high school
+ Talking with people, reading others, etc. is my strength
+ I dreamed about this for a few years
– Hard to get in
– I am not sure if this is my dream anymore

Psychology was something I really enjoyed in high school. Other courses I never really studied or tried but in my psychology classes I was always listening, writing things up and really trying. In the end I never even tried to get in. I don’t even know why. Maybe it just isn’t my thing?

New interest: Translation & English

+ Apparently I am good translator
+ I enjoy translating and could see it as my job
+ I can study English literature at the same time
– My spoken English is bad so…
– It seems quite boring thing to study
– Once again is my English good enough?

I have done quite a few translating gigs this year and it seems like I have found my hidden talent. I even enjoy doing it. However I am not sure if it is something I want to do for the rest of my life. It’s only something I would see myself doing for a while. Also there (and in entrance exams) I have to speak English and I just can’t pronounce any words…

What even is this? Cultural Producer

+ Sounds interesting and combines all things I love
+ Partly remote program
+ Culture is always good thing
– I am not leader
– I have no idea what this career would be
– My parents would never agree

I just found this field of study but I have no idea what it really is. Well, I have a few days to find more information. Maybe it’s my thing?

For my writer side: Journalism

+ I love writing
– I don’t see myself as journalist
– I could never write “official” texts

Why can’t there just be job that would allow me to travel the world, write for hours everyday, meet new people, volunteer and keep learning different kind of subjects forever? I am lost case. Nothing interests me. How can I even choose one thing to do for the rest of my life??!?

There is so many more universities and fields I could talk about but I am now feeling so helpless that let’s not talk more about that. I didn’t really find any interesting subjects! So many options and still nothing that fits me.

 

Any tips how to find that right future career for me? (Don’t suggest career tests because those always tell that I would be good priest, relationship counselor, entrepreneur or librarian… No thanks!) 

Do you have any problems with deciding your future career? Or did you have these problems before? And like always all comments are welcome (even if you wanted to tell me about your day!)

With love,

Viivi Severina