Who is Lost Viivi?

This is questions I ask myself too often and some of you may be wondering so let’s make a post of me introducing myself (even if I may be one of the most boring people in the whole wide world…)¬†Feel free to ask any questions at any time in the comments and I will try to answer as well as I can. ūüôā

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No, my given name isn’t “Lost Viivi”

Even if it would be funny, my full name isn’t Lost Viivi. Viivi is my first name (not Vivii, not Vivi and not Vivian even if it used to be my nickname). The word “lost” comes from me being always lost. I’m not even kidding. Whatever we are talking about knowing what I want to do with my life or walking around the streets of unknown cities, I always find a way to get lost. And being lost usually ends up me getting in some kind of trouble. For example that one time in Japan when I got so lost that I found myself from an abandoned amusement park.

Sometimes I also use name Viivi Severina¬†but even that isn’t my full given name. Maybe someday I will share my name but right now that’s not important.

Where are you from? 

Finland. It’s a big country with only about 6 million people between Sweden, Norway, and Russia. We don’t have polar bears but Santa Claus lives in our Lapland.

How old are you?

22. Let’s not talk more about this. #agecrisis

What kind of person you are?

Shy, stubborn and hopefully kind. I’m introvert who likes spending time alone and never goes out to party on weekends but at the same time, I can live in full hostels for months surrounded by other people without feeling uncomfortable. I love talking to new people and listening to their stories. My friend calls me “human magnet” because random people tend to talk to me without reason and I meet odd people who want to be friends everywhere I go.

Don’t mistake my shyness and kindness as weakness. I may think others before myself and follow people around but if I have decided something, you can’t change my mind. When people tell me that I can’t do something, I will definitely prove them wrong. Someone once told me that I can’t speak English. People tend to tell me to get a real job. And I have gotten more than enough comments telling me to travel less. Guess what I am doing right now!

Why and when you started blogging?

I have been blogging on and off for years but in the end, my blogs have always died. I started writing in English about two years ago on my travel blog and I never stopped for everyone’s surprise. This year I decided to start daily blogging because last autumn I realized that writing is my thing.

The reason I started blogging in English isn’t so simple. My mind was in dark place after I had returned home from three months long trip to Japan. I believed that I was going to study something I hated for the next six years without a way out. Writing has always been a coping mechanism for me, writing a blog was an easy way to forget everything else.

How many blogs do you have?

Too many. Right now I have 5 blogs and 1 blog I use to share my daily posts from all these sites.

Travel blogLost side blog
Photography blog
Review blogWriter’s blog
Daily posts

Do you study, work or what do you do?

I think this subject and story needs its own post but shortly said I work as a writer who also studies. Last autumn I realized that I would, in theory, live by doing freelancer writing (for example writing blog posts for companies) and doing translations. In addition to doing this, I am studying two university degrees at the same time: creative writing and business. I study online so I can spend about half of my time traveling.

What is your biggest dream?

I have finally admitted to myself that I want to be an author. I want to write books. I have no idea if that will be possible (probably not in English because my language skills still suck). If I can’t be an author, I dream of living as someone who can write every day, live every month in a different city and find happiness. I want to leave my mark on this world.

What kind of family do you have?

Crazy, funny, tiring and just impossible to deal with.¬†I probably shouldn’t write about my family because they know about my blogs but I doubt they would have the patience to read anything I write. I have two younger siblings so I’m the oldest and the wisest and the best (at least if you ask from me). My parents are divorced and I am currently living in my grandpa’s basement.

Favorite movies, TV series, books, music, etc.?

My favorites are changing all the time but I will publish twice a week to my review blog about these themes so read more from there. I like almost everything except horror. Crime-themed movies and books are my favorites. I listen all kind of music as long as I can listen to it all the time. My family and friends know me as the one who listens to Asian bands. Right now I am totally hooked on reading writing guidebooks but also my taste with books is almost endless.

If I had to name some of my favorites, I would probably mention these ones:

Movies: Now You See Me, Star Wars
TV series: Criminal Minds, Leverage
Books:¬†Wild Mind: Living the Writer’s Life by Natalie Goldberg
Bands/Musicians:¬†BTS, Nu’est, One Ok Rock, Sanni, Haloo Helsinki, NF

What are the plans for this blog?

I will continue writing whatever I want and how often I want. Now I am trying to make that daily blogging challenge happen so except posts in this random side blog every Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. Mostly the posts will be about my life and thoughts. In addition maybe some general “lifestyle” posts like sharing cool videos, tips, and lists of anything. If I can open up enough maybe some fangirling over books, bands, and movies. Who knows where this year will take us…

Feel free to follow me on my social media. I am super inactive on Instagram because I only want to share colorful photos. My Twitter is full of random rambling, photos of food, shared travel themed links and updates of my newest posts. Follow everything at your own risk… I always appreciate comments so ask anything or let’s have a conversation on Twitter. I’m shy but I won’t bite! ūüôā

With love,

Lost Viivi

 

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2017 Predictions, Did they happen?

A few days ago I shared an old draft of mine. Today we are continuing with another old blog post that I never published. I am passionate tarot card reader and I wanted to do a post where I predicted my year 2017. The idea was to make 10 predictions, but I only did 3. Let’s see if I was right!

I love reading tarot cards and surprisingly often my readings are close to the truth. So why not try to predict my own year 2017? And now see if I was even closely correct.

1.My year 2017 generally

“You are living hard times. Your spending and revenues are at the same size so you have to live modestly. Somehow you will cope without getting to problems with money. Use your brains to get out of the tricky situations.

You feel like everything is going to the wrong direction and you are losing the fight. Admit your lose and return to the beginning. That will be the only way to happiness. Say out loud your hoes and dreams. Then go towards them.

If you try hard enough and wait for the right moment the luck will finally be on your side. Wait patiently and everything will be just fine. You will get over any hardships on your way. Just believe in yourself and go towards your dreams.”

2.My personality

“Wanderer who hangs on her opinions even when others don’t believe in them. Someone who complains too much about the tiny stupid things. A person who tries to save money but uses it stupidly. Trying to be nice and kind for others even when struggling herself. A stubborn person who will get in trouble.”

3.Money, assets and material problems

“Get over your fears. If you give up you will lose your money/assets/property. Be brave in all situations. You have to work hard to make enough money. Try to live without spending to useless things.

You are living hard times. Your spending and revenues are at the same size so you have to live modestly. Somehow you will cope without getting to problems with money. Use your brains to get out of the tricky situations.”

So, were the predictions correct?

The funny thing is that I got a¬†same money problems card for two different readings. Did I have money problems? Yes. Like the reading said for some time my spendings and revenues were same. Even now I am in a situation where I can’t spend to anything stupid. But still didn’t have any money problems and never struggled with getting by.

I have worked hard and tried to live as well as I can for the whole year. It’s starting to pay off. I get more and more writing jobs every week and if I wasn’t studying at the same time I think I would be able to do this as a full-time job. Isn’t that crazy?

“You feel like everything is going to the wrong direction and you are losing the fight.”
This sentence sums up my whole year… I started 2017 studying in a city far away from my home and I was miserable. It felt totally a wrong direction and I wanted to keep studying for the sake of “being normal” and “getting a normal job”. In the end, I gave up and found something better.

On the other hand, I am again in this situation but this time with my blogging and especially travel blog.¬†I haven’t been writing because I am not sure what I want to do. But just now about a month ago I gave up for a while. I just stopped. Now I am again ready to start.

Maybe the most true of my predictions was this one sentence: “Say out loud your hoes and dreams. Then go towards them.”¬†I remember this one class from spring when I was still attending to business school actively. There were about hundred people in our class and the teaches wanted every one of us to tell the whole class one thing we are good at. I was scared to death because I have always believed that I am not good at anything.

But at the same time I was panicing, one thought entered my mind.¬†I can write. No, I want to write.¬†I don’t want to study business, I just want to write.¬†When it was my turn I said it out loud for the first time in my life.

“I am good at writing.”
For a moment it was quiet and then my teacher asked me “In what kind of writing?”

“I am good at writing stories, blog articles, about travel, poems, emotions, school work, research, comments, inspiring sentences, lies. I am good at writing anything I want.”

At this point, I had been writing all my life. For over ten years. But it had never occurred to me that maybe it would be my future. Of course, I had dreamed of living by writing books and being a real author but it seemed impossible in my small home country Finland. There was no way I could do it, right? Or maybe I could.

After I had said out loud for the first time that I am good at writing, I couldn’t stop. Words have more power than we think. Soon I am good at writing changed to I want to live my life by writing. Then about four months later I applied to study creative writing in Finnish open university. The words and dreams I had said outloud have started turn alive. I have no idea where I am going but it seems easier now. It is easy to change your own future if you just believe in your own words. Fortunately for me, writing words is the only thing I am good at.

I want to be a writer. I want to travel. I want to try out this blogging and writing thing because it seems to work and I truly love it.

With love,

Mysterious Viivi

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Photo: Sergi Viladesau

Sometimes I don’t want this travel life

After two years of traveling the world as much as possible while dreaming of life as a full time traveler and writing fastly growing travel blog, it’s scary to realize that in fact, you don’t want to travel. You have been running towards this magical life waiting for the perfect happiness¬†just to see that this won’t be the right things for you. Maybe traveling isn’t the answer?

I don’t want you to understand this the wrong way. There is nothing better than sitting hours on an airplane going towards unknown, meeting strangers in hostel dorms and seeing the sunset in a new city every morning. I love traveling and I could not live without it. But there is something else that keeps me grounded.

I can’t stay at home for too long because my feet get itchy and mind starts to wander to new countries. But at the same time being in a new country for too long tires me endlessly. Waking up is hard. Let me tell you a secret: I may be staying in this amazing new country with so many places to explore but all I can think about is that I want to go back home. There are so many things to see. Maybe too much.

This may not make sense to you but for me, it’s the reality. I am lost like usually and still, I know exactly¬†where I should go. Traveling is my thing. Definitely. But so is staying at home, sleeping long and just writing endless stories while staying in my bed from morning until I am too hungry to continue. I want both. Is it wrong of me to not want to decide?

In perfect case scenario, I would live every other month in a new city. Tourist attractions, unknown streets and writing my diary in small cozy cafes while watching the locals around me. Writing travel blog about my experiences and thoughts while experiencing all these unforgettable things. Finding new friends and meeting the ones who I have met before because of this crazy life of traveling I currently live.

But then after a month or sometimes maybe two, I would take that plane back to home. My back would be full of souvenirs and gifts for my family and friends. My blog would be still full of travel photos and stories I haven’t yet been ready to share. The first few days would just go by sleeping in my own bed and watching Netflix, relaxing and meeting friends. Then my days would be full of writing. Stories of my adventures but also about everything else. Going to seminars or attending to all kind of open university glasses.

For a month or sometimes maybe two, I would hang out back at home walking the streets I know so well. During that time I could work even more writing and maybe doing a little bit of translating to get by. My main aim, however, should be creative writing that I am even now studying. Then after that time at home, my feet would take me again to new countries and unknown places.

Being free and going where ever you want. Is that too much to ask?

With love,

Viivi who wants everything

 

The first not a date

Fifth of December
I remember the first time someone asked me out. I was eighteen, socially awkward and had never dated anyone. Nothing has changed except my age. At that time I was attending this high school psychology summer course while he was from the Swedish course class next to ours. First time we spoke he asked if he could sit next to me and I had nothing against it.

The next two weeks went by us sitting side by side during the short breaks. I was always listening to music with one headphone on and he kept reading quickly changing books. It was nice I have to admit. I didn’t have to sit alone while everyone else had a friend with them. Then one time he asked me what music I was listening to and after that, we had small conversations every now and then.

He was odd but so was I. One of the last breaks we spent together he started reading love poems in Germany for me. It was probably a sign of interest towards me that anyone else could have seen. I didn’t.

During the last day and last break of my¬†course, I told him that we wouldn’t see anymore. He asked me out. I had no idea that he would do it. And even now I am not sure if he truly wanted to go on date or just see me again as a friend. He asked if I would like to come to the library someday with him. Then I promised to ask him as a friend on Facebook but I never did because I forgot his name before I had time.

I still think of him sometimes even if I never felt anything special towards him.¬†He was the first boy who asked me out –probably- and also the only boy who had asked me out for a few years. Never before had I known that anyone would truly be interested in me.

Next time or better said the next few times happened during my Japan trip. I was never sure if they were interested in me or if it was just a friendly gesture. It was never “Would you like to go out with me?” But isn’t asking someone for coffee kind of the same thing? I have no idea so I have never been sure.

After my Japan trip, it started to happen more occasionally. Not often but every now and then. I realized that when I was traveling other people would get interested in me. Maybe I looked more beautiful or free than back at home? I have no idea why but I gained more attention as a traveler and amongst foreigners than back at home in Finland.

At some point, I came to the closure that it must be that “inner beauty” people so often talk about. I look better when I am happy and free of all worries. Or maybe all those people have just been some creeps that prey on silly traveler girls?

With love,

Undateable Viivi

First of December

I haven’t been busy but I have no time. Because I am some kind of stupid idiot, I have decided to study two university degrees at the same time. Why did I ever think that this would be a good idea? I study creative writing. It is my passion. It is my thing. But then I decided to continue my business studies that I declared as too simple and boring for me.

It’s partly because of money. Finland’s government helps financially those who study in “real university”. My creative writing is only an open university. A writer isn’t a job in Finland. Or so most of us seem to think. So, why I try so hard to be something not possible? Why is writing my only real passion? Even traveling seems dull and irrelevant next to days used writing never-ending stories.

I don’t have time for my blogs. Maybe trying to write three blogs wasn’t possible in the first place? All the inspiration I used to have is now written for other people who order blog articles from me. I miss writing for myself. Writing whatever I want and without worrying about¬†grammar and being 100% correct.

This is why I am writing now. This December I will write more. After New Year I will start normal rhythm. Travel blog once a week. Random posts here whenever I want. Photos to my photo blog as often as possible.

Today is the first day of December. 24 days till Christmas. Maybe I have all the elements to do writing Chrismas calender? 24 posts. Can I do it?

With love,

Hopeful Viivi

I am struggling with procrastination

I procrastinate more than most of the people. If there is any task I have to do before an exact date, it’s 99% possibility that I won’t do it until there are about three hours left. And still, I never return anything late. And usually, my work gets praised. During high school and primary school, this worked just fine. I had a deadline for almost everything and I did well in tests without studying but now when I am officially “adult” everything is a struggle.

At mornings I know exactly what I should do during the day but when I fall asleep at night I have never done everything. With sending emails or making phone calls it gets even worse. For example, right now I have been trying to make one call to my bank for about six months. SIX MONTHS. That’s not an even bad situation in my bad case because one email has been waiting to be sent for 10 months and let’s not even speak about the emails and calls I never made.

Someone, please help me. Is there a way to get out of this endless ring?

Inspirations for today’s¬†text was from this amazing TED Talk.
If you are like me, please watch it and tell your own experiences in the comments!

In this post series, I write 10 minutes without stopping, editing or planning anything. I just write whatever is in my mind and publish it like that. 
Expect to see more of this every Thursday!

With love,

Procrastinating Viivi

Whatever I fail or succeed…

I am like small kid on her first day of school. Except I am literally dying because I am so scared. 30 minutes before I have to leave. 1 hour of driving before I will be there. My stress level is out of the roof. I don’t know if this is good or bed thing. I don’t think I have been this scared of anything in long time. Especially not about starting school. Is that good or bad sign?

Today is my first day in university. Today is the day I finally start studying something I have always dreamed of but never truly believed would be possible.

Creative writing.

I am going to study creative writing. My head is screaming that this is bad idea but at the same time that this is the only right route I can take. Writing is my thing. I has always been. I was one of the last people on my class at school who learned how to read and write but after I started there was no stopping me. Being writer would be the only right job for me.

But I already know today is going to be hard. There will be other people. People who are probably better than I. People who write amazing stories, who have experience and who know what they are doing. I have just never finished books, anxiety and doubt of my own skills. It’s always as hard to show my texts for others. My first reaction is always wait for the critic. I love writing but it doesn’t mean I am good at it, right?

My heart is bounding so loudly, hands shaking and stomach hurting. It’s hard to breath and there is this never ending screaming voice in my head. I am scared. I am so scared of this evening. And still there is this stubborn kid inside of me telling how I have finally found the right way.

I would give everything to just write everyday. I would stop traveling, I would stay locked in my room for weeks, I would only eat healthy food for the rest of my life. Anything to write. Be writer.

So, wish me luck. I am going to try with all I got. Whatever I fail or succeed. Whatever my fears are trying to take me down. This is my dream and the only thing I can really do with my life.

With love,

Viivi with Dreams

Always either lost or sick

I am sick. I should be writing my travel blog. But for some reason I just can’t do anything. I don’t feel like doing anything. I have been sleeping for hours. Last night I got over 13 hours of sleep so even if my body wants to rest my mind just keeps running wild. This is quite normal. One of my best friends put it well a while back: I am always either sick or lost.¬†

So, here I am writing like always when my mind can’t keep its calm or when it’s hard to fall asleep. Have you ever been like this? Too tired to do anything but too awake to fall asleep. Today I had short conversation with another of my friends of why I am always sick. He didn’t know about it. We have only known for a year and that time I have been surprisingly well. It brought some memories back to me.

My body gets sick easily and I think that I have problems with containing stress. Because of that I am sick all the time. But that’s not all. There has been times in my life when I used to be sick for months in row. And I am not talking about just some “oh I have cough” sickness. No, I have been sleeping for almost month like sleeping beauty because I just can’t stand up. Can’t remember a much from those times. It’s all just a blur.

I am used to being sick. In fact sometimes I even enjoy it. Well, not that feeling awful and sneezing all the time part but the part where I can download my own batteries by just relaxing. As person I am someone who can’t never really just be and do nothing. My mind is always full of things I haven’t done and at the same time I am always stressing about something. But then I fall sick and there is good reason to just be.

So, maybe me being often sick has something to do with my body trying to take break? Or my mind?

I don’t really know where I was going with this but hey I am sick so I can write whatever I want… (Like I didn’t usually just ponder random thoughts here!)¬†Maybe it’s time for me to stop this odd post. Let’s blame my feverish brains, okay?

With love,

Dead Viivi

Back home but not really

Hello there!
How are you? I have just returned to home from my almost three weeks long trip around Eastern Europe and like always after coming back home I am kind of lost. I love just relaxing at home but at the same time I have too much time. Nothing has changed even if once again I have learned so many new things.

I have had an adventure that should change the whole world but everything is like before I left. My room is still a big mess and far from the point where I could even think about cleaning it. My family and friends still go to school and work like before I left. Everyone smiles and talks like I had been here all along. They have all the rights to continue their lives like before but it’s hard for me.

Every time I come back I want to leave again even more badly. My feet get itchy and mind wonders thousands of kilometers to other worlds. I can’t stop writing stories of my feelings. Maybe I am just meant to be wanderer who never returns? But then again I know that this three weeks was close to my own limit. Waking up in new city every other day is amazing but gets tiring after a while. I needed this break and still my mind just wants to go despite the tiredness of my body.

Traveling is addictive. It’s a little bit like smoking or using drugs. You know that being on the road all the time won’t be good for you. It’s stressful and it wears down your body. You know you shouldn’t and still you keep looking for those new flights like alcoholic for the bottle. You just have to and that’s it.

I have been at home for two days. Two full days and I already feel like my mind never truly returned. I love being at home. I love seeing my friends and family. I love sleeping in my own bed dreaming endlessly of nothing. I love just being here and relaxing in the safe environment I am used to. I love home but for some reason I can’t enjoy it for 100%. There is always this small voice telling me to go. Go and see new places, new worlds, new miracles.

Is this just me? Or is this one of the traveler problems we all have? Maybe I have just bad case of wanderlust or my mind is tired of the normal life. Whatever the reason is I am not sure how to control this. Writing seems to help. Writing this blog, writing stories and even writing work things. My two passions. Writing and traveling. I have to find the balance between them…

So, have you ever felt like this? What is in your mind after you have returned from big adventure?

With love,

Always Lost Viivi

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Photo:¬†Mehmet K√ľrŇüat Deńüer

Scared of Writing

I have no idea what to write.

I am surprised that I have been writing my travel blog for year and half. Usually my blogging has stopped after the first few months. Now I have been writing bravely even when it has been tiring. And then these last two months happened. I have zero inspiration to write blog. I mean I truly want to and I have ideas but for some reason I just can’t find the strenght to start.

Writing is hard and complicated.

Having readers makes it easier but still so impossible at times. I feel like my English sucks. My posts are just too long and boring. I am writing things that no one wants to read. Why can’t it just be easy? Why I have to care so much?

I have so many stories I want to share with people who for some reason read my texts. I never wrote about my Gdansk or Brighton adventures. Both of those trips have many funny stories I want to tell. In Gdansk I met crazy umbrella man who made me hate gender stereotypes and in Brighton I fell all over again for solo travel. So many stories, so little inspiration.

Maybe that’s why I started writing for this blog again. I for some reason lost all my readers here when playing with hosting services and that may have been the best thing ever. About 20 readers. It feels like a freedom again. Maybe this will help me to find that feeling of writing without caring of anything.

It’s kind of funny that I am so stressed out of people reading my texts. Usually I am that person who cares of nothing. I travel even if my friends and family don’t think it is a good idea. I dress like I want and don’t use make-up just because it’s too tiring. It’s my life and I will do what I want. But this writing thing has always been my weak spot. I love it too much so any bad comment makes me panic. What if I am not good enough? What if this thing I love more than anything (even more than travel) won’t work out?

I have always been good at writing. Not so much in English but in Finnish. People have always praised my writings. During school years I always got full score from creative writing assignments. I loved writing and others loved reading my texts.

Right now I can easily say that writing is my thing and that I am good at it. One year ago the situation was totally different. If someone praised my writing, I thought they were just lying. When someone asked what I can do well, I always thought about writing but never said it out loud. I was ashamed. I still am sometimes but it is getting easier. There is so many people who are better than I at this creative writing thing so how could I ever be good enough in it.

I can now admit that writing is my thing and that I can’t do anything else with my life if I truly want to be happy. And that’s why writing is so scary. If I fail what is left of me? If writing doesn’t work out what can I do?

So, here I am stuck with these feelings. I have no idea how to get over them and maybe there is no other way than just keep writing.

With love,

Scaredy-Cat Viivi

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