Yesterday I sat twenty minutes in car with my mum. The whole time she told me reasons why I should apply to the agricultural school. I have kept saying that I don’t want to go there. I will be miserable if I have to study that subject for another three years. She doesn’t listen.
She says it’s the only place I can get in. That I can’t do other jobs. It’s like meant to be. I already have studied animals, it’s close to home and I would easily get internship from my dad’s big company. Everything seems perfectly fit in. Expect me.
Even if that job and school was meant to be does it matte if I’m going to go insane doing it? I already know it would destroy me. This may sound dramatic but it is the truth. There is no way I will be drown back to the gray normal. I will not anymore do something others want and cause losing my own meaning.
I need challenges. I’m scared of average, not being enough, living my life just doing fine but never great. I’m scared to death that I will never find my meaning in this life. And that drives me to fight.
What my mum doesn’t get is that trying to make me do something will just backfire. The more people doubt me the more determined I am to walk my own road. My life is constant fight against the expectations. Going through my own dreams but never revealing them for anyone in the fear of getting laughed at.
So I’m going to fight once again. This is my life and my decisions. No one (even the people close to me) can’t tell me what to do. I may be stupid walking my own road but at least I don’t need to think “what if” in the future.
I love my family but sometimes I just want to get away. Today is one of those days I hope I would not feel bad about leaving everything behind. I love my family but I hate the plans they lay in front of me. Maybe I am just rebelling but I can’t live by the plans given to me.
Last spring I had university entrance exams. My motivation wasn’t present and I got really sick. I really wanted to get in to school but I didn’t find any field I would like to make my future. In the end I didn’t get in any of the schools I applied in.
End of summer and I was feeling lost but nothing new on that. The schools that have still free spots for autumn had their application processes to start. My mum sat next to me to be sure that I applied somewhere. I even got quite hyped up by one of the schools.
Tourism and hospitality that is studied with only few days in the university and most of the days in internet. It would give me time to travel. I would have time to study on my own pace. Perfect. I want to get in there.
My mum wasn’t so pleased about my choice. After a lot of threatening and shouting I also applied to agricultural field (and some business schools). I have already studied three years animal careering. It was nice but I would die if I had to go trough three more years of that. I need challenges to my life.
So now I’m in problems and in the moment all I can think about is running away.
Today I told my mum the agricultural school send me email. In that email they clearly stated that if I get accepted in I need to send my answer before I would have the other entrance exams. So put simple way if I can’t apply there and to the other schools at the same time.
For me the decision was easy. Don’t go to that school and go to the tourism and business schools’ exams. In the first place I didn’t want to study more farm things and animals. In my mums opinion my decision is totally wrong. With that school I could good job and better salary and sure job. But I would never be happy…
Why can’t my family realize that I need to do my own decisions?
I’m scared of wasting my life.
My travel blog will soon have 400 readers. For me that feels unbelievable. Why would so many people want to read what I have to say?
But today we are not going to talk about my feelings but rather difficult matter I have been thinking about. That is:
Should I get domain and hosting?
I want my own domain (you know he web address without that wordpress word in it) but it takes money. Not a much but still money. I need hosting because my photos are going to take so much space that the WordPress platform isn’t enough for me. Hosting takes even more money.
So what to do?
I have tried to read and explore what others recommend. I’m still totally lost. I don’t want to pay much because this is not probably going anywhere but I hope someday this blog would be more than just a hobby.
I have some candidate websites I have been thinking to use (I will list them and their good and bad points below). Has anyone any recommendations? I would take all tips with gratitude!
I have been wondering between two sites Hostgator and Bluehost. Or then just upgrading WordPress. I’m not sure which one is the best option… Why is this so hard?
Maybe I should just wait for a while longer? 400 readers isn’t that much…
With troubled feelings,
Hello!My university entrance exam results just come out and no big surprises there. I didn’t get in. Although I am in position that if 11 persons don’t take their places I will get in. However very unlikely.
So what now?
I have no idea. Right away after revealing to my mom that I didn’t get in she started to rant how I should now try to find job. That’s probably true. I already had one gap year so this another one I should life like adult.
If you have read my travel blog you know that I grave to see the world. I won’t listen mom’s advice even if I will walk towards my own doomed life. Traveling isn’t easy. Without money it is almost impossible.
For my own bad luck (or good luck. Depend how you want to see it.) I have always been the person who wants to break all the odds. When someone tells me I can’t do it, nothing is stopping me from proving them wrong.
Really, so what now?
Well I have Helpx site open and I am trying to look for place/hostel to volunteer for couple of months. Then I should decide some kind of job to do. Working holiday in Australia or New Zealand? Cruise ship work? Something else?
Someone hire me to travel the world! Please?
Hi there! Today I was going to post my travel diary from Sweden but I have been so stressed out that it’s still not ready. Basically my university exam results can come out any moment but at the latest tomorrow. To add my stress currently the site where I can see them isn’t working.
So now I am waiting and tomorrow probably staring the web site until I see the results. I’m so scared. One day and I will know how my life is going to play out.
I don’t have any plan right now. I don’t even know how to inform the school that I will take the place if I get accepted in. I don’t know if I want or not to go to school. I’m big mess without future plans.
What if I just want to write and travel?