I can’t skip a day…

Hello everyone!

I didn’t know what to write today. I’m sleeping on my friend’s floor, the day is almost changing and I have promised to blog every day. It’s easy to write posts when you have one specific subject but this blog is something different. “Write about anything that’s on your mind.” So I was thinking when starting this specific blog. I was sure it would be easy but I was not.

How to come up with blog text idea from scratches? The only solution I know is to just write. Write even if it sounds stupid, and keep writing even if your whole mind is empty. They teach us this technique in university when learning about creative writing. Usually, you are not meant to show these texts for people. You’re writing for yourself. Just for yourself. And now I’m writing for everyone who knows me and for so many people who have no idea who I’m.

Okay, write about anything that’s currently on your mind. What’s in my mind? What am I thinking?

We watched today the last part of the Lord of the Rings. I had almost forgotten how much I love that movie. The plot, the characters and, of course, Legolas. Don’t we all love Legolas? If you don’t, there is something really wrong with your brain (just kidding).

Maybe I should list all the characters I have fallen in love with? That would be a long post. It would start with characters from children’s series. Robin Hood from the Disney movie and Odd from that cartoon series Code Lyoko. There would be Legolas and Draco Malfoy, Han Solo from Star Wars and let’s not forget the endless list of anime and manga characters. I always find that one character and their story more appealing than the movie or book as a whole.

Sorry for this odd, short and random posts. I promised to write daily but I never said these would be quality texts. But at least you will always learn something new about me and get a sneak peek to my brain. Do you ever have a hard time finding subjects for your blog posts? Or have you ever tried this style of just writing about anything and nothing in your mind?

With love,

Nostalgic Viivi

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Photo: Bryan Minear

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2017 Predictions, Did they happen?

A few days ago I shared an old draft of mine. Today we are continuing with another old blog post that I never published. I am passionate tarot card reader and I wanted to do a post where I predicted my year 2017. The idea was to make 10 predictions, but I only did 3. Let’s see if I was right!

I love reading tarot cards and surprisingly often my readings are close to the truth. So why not try to predict my own year 2017? And now see if I was even closely correct.

1.My year 2017 generally

“You are living hard times. Your spending and revenues are at the same size so you have to live modestly. Somehow you will cope without getting to problems with money. Use your brains to get out of the tricky situations.

You feel like everything is going to the wrong direction and you are losing the fight. Admit your lose and return to the beginning. That will be the only way to happiness. Say out loud your hoes and dreams. Then go towards them.

If you try hard enough and wait for the right moment the luck will finally be on your side. Wait patiently and everything will be just fine. You will get over any hardships on your way. Just believe in yourself and go towards your dreams.”

2.My personality

“Wanderer who hangs on her opinions even when others don’t believe in them. Someone who complains too much about the tiny stupid things. A person who tries to save money but uses it stupidly. Trying to be nice and kind for others even when struggling herself. A stubborn person who will get in trouble.”

3.Money, assets and material problems

“Get over your fears. If you give up you will lose your money/assets/property. Be brave in all situations. You have to work hard to make enough money. Try to live without spending to useless things.

You are living hard times. Your spending and revenues are at the same size so you have to live modestly. Somehow you will cope without getting to problems with money. Use your brains to get out of the tricky situations.”

So, were the predictions correct?

The funny thing is that I got a same money problems card for two different readings. Did I have money problems? Yes. Like the reading said for some time my spendings and revenues were same. Even now I am in a situation where I can’t spend to anything stupid. But still didn’t have any money problems and never struggled with getting by.

I have worked hard and tried to live as well as I can for the whole year. It’s starting to pay off. I get more and more writing jobs every week and if I wasn’t studying at the same time I think I would be able to do this as a full-time job. Isn’t that crazy?

“You feel like everything is going to the wrong direction and you are losing the fight.”
This sentence sums up my whole year… I started 2017 studying in a city far away from my home and I was miserable. It felt totally a wrong direction and I wanted to keep studying for the sake of “being normal” and “getting a normal job”. In the end, I gave up and found something better.

On the other hand, I am again in this situation but this time with my blogging and especially travel blog. I haven’t been writing because I am not sure what I want to do. But just now about a month ago I gave up for a while. I just stopped. Now I am again ready to start.

Maybe the most true of my predictions was this one sentence: “Say out loud your hoes and dreams. Then go towards them.” I remember this one class from spring when I was still attending to business school actively. There were about hundred people in our class and the teaches wanted every one of us to tell the whole class one thing we are good at. I was scared to death because I have always believed that I am not good at anything.

But at the same time I was panicing, one thought entered my mind. I can write. No, I want to write. I don’t want to study business, I just want to write. When it was my turn I said it out loud for the first time in my life.

“I am good at writing.”
For a moment it was quiet and then my teacher asked me “In what kind of writing?”

“I am good at writing stories, blog articles, about travel, poems, emotions, school work, research, comments, inspiring sentences, lies. I am good at writing anything I want.”

At this point, I had been writing all my life. For over ten years. But it had never occurred to me that maybe it would be my future. Of course, I had dreamed of living by writing books and being a real author but it seemed impossible in my small home country Finland. There was no way I could do it, right? Or maybe I could.

After I had said out loud for the first time that I am good at writing, I couldn’t stop. Words have more power than we think. Soon I am good at writing changed to I want to live my life by writing. Then about four months later I applied to study creative writing in Finnish open university. The words and dreams I had said outloud have started turn alive. I have no idea where I am going but it seems easier now. It is easy to change your own future if you just believe in your own words. Fortunately for me, writing words is the only thing I am good at.

I want to be a writer. I want to travel. I want to try out this blogging and writing thing because it seems to work and I truly love it.

With love,

Mysterious Viivi

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Photo: Sergi Viladesau

She was bird without wings

Sixteenth of December
She was bird, she was cat, she was endless sky with million bats. She lived bravely but scared of everything. Her days were full of sun and moon, sleepy days and sleepless nights. Negatives and positives circled around the body of her. A lifetime of opposites being all she got. Flying like a bird and laying down like a cat. She became everything a small girl could be and still she wasn’t quite like people believed.

She wanted to fly and fly and fly. But there was always that one risk: falling down, breaking wings. Nothing could stop her from dreaming of it. Those beautiful skies full of birds. Huge wings shaking in the wind taking them around the world again and again. She wanted to be like them, a bird with wings so strong she could keep flying and never land. But it wasn’t possible. Not every bird know how to fly. Not every bird can be on the sky. Her wings were cut off, disappeared, taken from her. She was a bird without wings doomed to live forever in the world of those going to die.

She missed the sky but she loved the ground. Sleeping through the day like cat was dream achieved. Doing nothing. Living without purpose. It was perfect until it was not. One day, two days, three days she was okay. Sleep, relax and see dreams. But days four and five and six she lost her will of being silly. Day after day it became harder and harder to stand back up and be like a bird. Sleeping like a cat not knowing about the world felt just fine. But not anyone can live that forever. You start to wonder. What if? What has she missed? Is this all I truly have? Could I have flown if I wings still had?

 

(This text was written in ten minutes without thinking anything. I did almost no editing and decided to publish it just like this. Nowadays, I call myself a writer. I even study creative writing in uni. But my problem: I write in Finnish. This blog is in English. In my opinion, it’s sometimes good to publish texts that aren’t so great or ready. Maybe in a few years, I can return to this one and see how long way I have gone with my English skills? Or so I hope…) 

With love,

Viivi Scared of Writing

 

I am struggling with procrastination

I procrastinate more than most of the people. If there is any task I have to do before an exact date, it’s 99% possibility that I won’t do it until there are about three hours left. And still, I never return anything late. And usually, my work gets praised. During high school and primary school, this worked just fine. I had a deadline for almost everything and I did well in tests without studying but now when I am officially “adult” everything is a struggle.

At mornings I know exactly what I should do during the day but when I fall asleep at night I have never done everything. With sending emails or making phone calls it gets even worse. For example, right now I have been trying to make one call to my bank for about six months. SIX MONTHS. That’s not an even bad situation in my bad case because one email has been waiting to be sent for 10 months and let’s not even speak about the emails and calls I never made.

Someone, please help me. Is there a way to get out of this endless ring?

Inspirations for today’s text was from this amazing TED Talk.
If you are like me, please watch it and tell your own experiences in the comments!

In this post series, I write 10 minutes without stopping, editing or planning anything. I just write whatever is in my mind and publish it like that. 
Expect to see more of this every Thursday!

With love,

Procrastinating Viivi

10 Minutes Thursday

I have decided to start new writing series in this lost side blog of mine. If you don’t know, I started studying creative writing in university. And if you are ever studied writing in any way you may be familiar with this technique. 10 minutes of writing without stopping to think anything at any point. You just write whatever comes to your mind without editing or deleting. So, here is my first 10 minutes of writing the flow of my thoughts.
Expect to see more of this every Thursday!

I change my mind. I change my life. I change everything every day and every moment. I am allergic to staying, being and just getting stuck. My friends work towards that one goal they want. People I knew back at my childhood and teen years have families, homes and real work. I write, I travel and I change my plans daily.

My mind is running every second of the day. What new can I do today? What new can I try now? I try to be something totally different. Too long in one place is like death sentence for me. How can some people just keep living that same old life they were “meant to live”? I have wanted to be everything from rock start to astronaut and I still do even now. I may be adult but my mind keeps dreaming about these things others call silly.

I only have this one life but my mind wants to do hundred of different things. And that’s why I write. I write to live millions of lives in one lifetime. I write to see countries that don’t even exist and to fall in love with people who would never even see me in the real life. I write about fears and winning them so I will be strong. My stories are here to make me better person who can dream and achieve those dreams one by one. Never giving up.

Most people don’t get it. I never really speak about it. What writing means for me? Why do I write? I can’t even explain it with words. Writing is the only way to speak about it. I write to create something beautiful instead of seeing this scary ugly world outside of my window. Writing is my way of escaping. It’s my way of living.

With love,

Viivi Who Writes

Scared of Writing

I have no idea what to write.

I am surprised that I have been writing my travel blog for year and half. Usually my blogging has stopped after the first few months. Now I have been writing bravely even when it has been tiring. And then these last two months happened. I have zero inspiration to write blog. I mean I truly want to and I have ideas but for some reason I just can’t find the strenght to start.

Writing is hard and complicated.

Having readers makes it easier but still so impossible at times. I feel like my English sucks. My posts are just too long and boring. I am writing things that no one wants to read. Why can’t it just be easy? Why I have to care so much?

I have so many stories I want to share with people who for some reason read my texts. I never wrote about my Gdansk or Brighton adventures. Both of those trips have many funny stories I want to tell. In Gdansk I met crazy umbrella man who made me hate gender stereotypes and in Brighton I fell all over again for solo travel. So many stories, so little inspiration.

Maybe that’s why I started writing for this blog again. I for some reason lost all my readers here when playing with hosting services and that may have been the best thing ever. About 20 readers. It feels like a freedom again. Maybe this will help me to find that feeling of writing without caring of anything.

It’s kind of funny that I am so stressed out of people reading my texts. Usually I am that person who cares of nothing. I travel even if my friends and family don’t think it is a good idea. I dress like I want and don’t use make-up just because it’s too tiring. It’s my life and I will do what I want. But this writing thing has always been my weak spot. I love it too much so any bad comment makes me panic. What if I am not good enough? What if this thing I love more than anything (even more than travel) won’t work out?

I have always been good at writing. Not so much in English but in Finnish. People have always praised my writings. During school years I always got full score from creative writing assignments. I loved writing and others loved reading my texts.

Right now I can easily say that writing is my thing and that I am good at it. One year ago the situation was totally different. If someone praised my writing, I thought they were just lying. When someone asked what I can do well, I always thought about writing but never said it out loud. I was ashamed. I still am sometimes but it is getting easier. There is so many people who are better than I at this creative writing thing so how could I ever be good enough in it.

I can now admit that writing is my thing and that I can’t do anything else with my life if I truly want to be happy. And that’s why writing is so scary. If I fail what is left of me? If writing doesn’t work out what can I do?

So, here I am stuck with these feelings. I have no idea how to get over them and maybe there is no other way than just keep writing.

With love,

Scaredy-Cat Viivi

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Photo:Nick Morrison

And she lied…

I have always been good at lying. It’s skill I don’t know to be proud of or try to get rid off. I know how to make anyone believe anything. It has always been like that. I remember as child making something my sisters fault and never even getting caught. (I’m sorry if you read this someday!)

So why am I talking about this today? Because no one knows what I am planning. Like I have told my university results came out and I didn’t get in. The truth is I never ever wanted to go there. It’s crazy but I want to travel, live and not be the normal person. I feel like I can’t get trough another year here living this life.

So I lie.

Yes mom, I will apply to the job. Yes dad, I’m going to the open university. I’m smiling like it is true, like there is hope for me. It’s easy because there is other reasons for me to smile. I’m going to go. Not to job or to study. I’m going to go and disappear to the world.

I may take the place to study if I still get in but travel is currently my priority. It’s stupid and I know it. 21 years olds shouldn’t have impossible dreams and hopes for their life. I want to keep writing and traveling and make those my job. That is as impossible as it can get…

So I keep lying because I know what everyone would say. Silly girl you can’t do that. Go to school, get a job and live like everyone else. It’s not just my family who would keep me here if they know. My friends, almost random people in Facebook, the unknown neighbours, everyone. No one would believe it is possible to live that way. Probably many reading this won’t believe in me.

Lying is my self defense. It gives me cover when I am trying to run from my life. I have escaped once but ended up coming back. Now I am trying to go again and when you don’t see it coming I have already dissapeared.

Yes, lying is bad but for me it can safe a life. My life.
With love and lies,

Viivi Severina